


Nord-Amerikas Herligste

by ariiiana



Category: Ylvis
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Angst, Gen, bro feels, h/c, i hope you enjoy my torturing them, i just want to torture them, it's not very graphic or violent, this is me trying to torture them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-06-04
Packaged: 2018-04-01 12:27:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 25,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4019722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariiiana/pseuds/ariiiana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A tragic accident during the filming of a segment for the brothers' new show leaves one of their lives hanging in the balance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. un

As much as he tries to prepare himself, in those few fleeting seconds before the ground gives way beneath him, Bård is shocked to discover that the cold can leave one's lungs burning like fire. The sensation leaves him struggling, gasping for a breath of air amongst the suffocating smoke. For a moment everything seems to be moving slowly - his chest, his limbs, his mind. Even time itself seems to pass with a sudden lethargy. He can almost see himself falling as he does so, inch by inch, frame by frame. He can almost hear the splash as he crushes past the ice, and feet first into the frigid water below, but it sounds distorted like a video stuck in slow motion. It takes him a moment too long to realize that there's no fire; that there's no smoke filling his lungs. Instead, what's filling his lungs is water. The realization ignites a flame of determination within his very core and grants him the strength to force his head above the water line, sputtering, but it does nothing to warm him. The air hits his face and it hurts. His chest hurts. Everything hurts.

Someone is screaming.

It doesn't take very long for him to realize that it's Vegard. Knowing his brother is close relieves Bård who, a few seconds prior, had forgotten that anyone else existed. It was hard to think about much when he was so suddenly submerged into ice cold water, in temperatures that were below freezing. Now, with the dawning realization that he isn't alone, and that he isn't on dry land, Bård feels his brain thawing. He feels the shock wavering as he comes to understand what's really just happened. He opens his eyes and sees Vegard on his knees nearby, a little more than two meters away, looking frantic. Even though the cold has him in a numbing embrace, Bård recognizes that this is the first time that he's seen Vegard look this panicked in possibly years. Vegard's not usually panicked like this. Vegard is usually calm and level headed in moments of disaster, if not for his own sake or for the sake of everyone around him, but for Bård's. This worries him. Beside him is the sound guy, to his left the cameraman. The camera equipment has been forgotten, the filming for the segment put on immediate hold. Bård sees Vegard's lips moving but has a hard time making out what sounds are coming out of his mouth. In fact, everyone's lips are moving - but, with the way everyone is shouting and the way he's trashing about in the water, scrambling to find an escape from his icy prison, it's nigh impossible to make out anything aside from his brother's "hang on!" and the few uneven breaths he tries desperately to draw into his lungs.

Vegard leans forward and carefully extends a hand towards Bård, who clumsily slams his palms down against the ice cage surrounding his body and tries to push himself out a bit farther to reach his brother. The attempt is unsuccessful. The ice around him, already weak and strained, gives out from beneath his weight. He lets out a strangled cry as the panic rises within him and again attempts to push himself up onto the ice. But every time he makes the attempt, the frozen floor gives way beneath him and leaves him back where he started. The hole that he's fallen through only continues to grow in size and, as such, so does his sense of dread. Bård knows that, in moments like this, it's best to remain calm. Realistically, he's got a few minutes before he really needs to worry about hypothermia killing him - he read so in a magazine some months ago while at the dentist's office. He knows that he's got time and that if he stays calm and does not let the panic overtake him, he is more likely to get out of this situation alive and unscathed. But somehow it's hard to listen to that side of his brain - the one telling him to relax, that things are going to be okay, that he isn't going to die now. He wants to believe that everything is going to be fine and he wants to keep his composure and not lose his cool in front of the entire film crew but damn, the water is cold and he's not sure that he can really breathe anymore. Why does everything look so fuzzy?

"Stop-!" he hears someone say. It takes him a few moments to realize the voice belongs to Vegard. "Stop, Bård!"

Confused, he returns his focus to his brother. Vegard is holding a hand up in the universal signal to stop while scrambling hastily to his feet. Bård doesn't understand at first, but when Vegard tells him again to "stop moving!" he realizes that he's only making things worse by forcing himself onto the fragile ice. He reaches out again and tries to grab hold of a somewhat steady piece that he finds, not for the sake of pulling himself up onto dry land, but mostly to ease his frazzled mind. This way, he thinks, that if he's too weak to stay afloat on his own, at least he'll have something to help keep him above the icy water.

"I can't get out," he says, voice quiet.

Vegard gives him a reassuring look. "I know, the ice is really weak where you are. It's amazing nobody else has fallen through. But just stay calm and we're going to get you out there. Charles went to get something to pull you out. Don't worry."

Charles? Bård is suddenly struck with the realization that they're not the only people out here on this god forsaken lake in this god forsaken country. Charles is the man they've been filming a segment with here for the past two hours, somewhere some forty or so minutes outside of the nearest major city. Bård had always wanted to explore Canada, and more of the world outside of Norway in general, and he and Vegard had jumped almost immediately on board when they were offered to film a short travel show in North America, styled after their previous shows Norges Herligste and Nordens Herligste, which they'd done some years prior. Charles has proven to be quite an interesting man, with a passion for the outdoors and a love of random trinket collecting. He also swears that he owns the world's fattest cat, but that's something they have yet to legitimately confirm. Despite his few quirks, Bård has really grown fond of Charles during the time they've spent together filming. Charles is a man in his late 50's and is in good physical health and often spends his time out in the wilderness, even during the brutal winter months. He's shared with them stories of survival, told them of the time he once fell and hurt his leg and was stranded out in the forest by himself for two or three days before someone came to rescue him. Bård feels confident that if anyone can help get him out of his tricky situation, it's Charles. Charles would know what to do.

"Bård?"

When he glances up at the sound of his name, Vegard is staring back at him, brows furrowed in worry.

"Hmm?"

"You okay? You didn't answer me. Did you hear what I said?"

Bård offers his brother a weak nod in response and tries to focus on controlling his breathing, which is a surprising struggle. "Yeah, I heard you. You're going to get me out." He wants to sound sure of that, if maybe just to trick himself into thinking that things are going to be totally fine, but he can hear the way his voice wavers as he speaks, and the way it comes off sounding more like a desperate question rather than a comforting statement. He can hear the hint of disbelief as the very words come spilling out. Bård wants to believe what Vegard tells him because Vegard knows about things like this, somehow, and Vegard never lies to him. When Vegard tells him that things are going to be okay, Bård never thinks to question it because Vegard is always right. It's something Bård believes wholeheartedly, but not something that he's ever dared to say out loud. He thinks, _maybe_ , if he gets out of this one alive he'll say it, as a way of thanking his brother for always knowing how to get him through any situation, no matter how dire. Just maybe. But that's not something he decides to concern himself with for now. He doesn't even know if he's going to make it out of this one alive, and there is no use in making any future plans until he's certain that he's got a future to sacrifice at all.

 _No, you can't think like that,_ he berates himself. _You're going to be fine. Vegard said so. Help is coming. Charles is coming._

Vegard seems to recognize the uneasiness in his younger brother. "Don't worry. Just try to stay still and don't panic. Okay? We're going to get you out of there really soon, I promise. We just gotta wait on Charles - he said he was going to get something to get you out. The ice is too weak around you and we can't get any closer to you or else we'll fall in too. So we're probably going to throw you something to hold onto so we can pull you to where it's safe. Don't worry. Just wait there."

Bård forces a reassuring smile onto his face and rolls his eyes a bit, to try to lighten the mood as best he can. Humor has always been a good defense mechanism for him when he's been in bad situations, and he doesn't want Vegard (or anyone else, for that matter) to know that he's really scared out of his mind, even though he has the inkling suspicion that they already do. Vegard looks worried enough, he can see it in his eyes, though he hides it well. Bård is thankful that Vegard has managed to remain strong and rational during this messy ordeal. If it were the other way around, Bård would likely have already fallen into the ice himself trying to pull his brother from out of the depths of the unrelenting water. He wants to stay calm for Vegard, who is usually calm enough for the both of them, because it's the least he can do in return and the only thing he can do at this point to keep everyone else around him safe as well. Heaven forbid Vegard grow impatient and try to rescue him when it's so risky. The last thing Bård wants is to be in the water, but he wants even less for Vegard to be in the water with him. "Yeah, like I've really got any other choice."

The eldest brother smiles, relieved to see the other so seemingly collected. If Bård is capable of joking around with him, it means that he's still lucid and alert. Vegard's had a bit of safety training in the past and he knows the signs to look for when it comes to dealing with things like hypothermia. He knows how serious the ailment can be, and how dangerous it can become when left untreated. Though he knows that Bård is clearly uncomfortable and struggling slightly having to deal with the unusual cold, he doesn't seem to be struggling too much to the point that he's incapable of keeping himself afloat. Vegard hates having to wait and wishes there was something more he could do besides standing around helplessly, but he knows that if everyone remains calm and nobody panics, they can have Bård out of there as quickly as possible. That's the most important thing to focus on now, making sure to get his brother out of the water as fast as they realistically can, without endangering the lives of anyone else in the process. Bård is managing to keep his head above the water and is breathing and conscious, and that's all that Vegard needs to feel reassured. If Bård was not conscious and not able to hold himself up, even with the aid of the ice, then there would really be a problem.

"You know, I never thought that it was possible to experience anything colder than your heart. But now that I'm in this water, I have to say I'm retracting that thought. This is definitely colder," Bård teases, slipping for a brief moment before readjusting his hold on the block of ice helping keep him afloat. "Never thought I'd see the day, but I do stand corrected. I'll never underestimate the power of Mother Nature again."

"Shut up," Vegard responds, fighting a laugh. He glances over his shoulder and sees no sign of Charles anywhere.

Bård squints slightly and too looks off into the direction that Vegard is looking. A sinking feeling settles in the pit of his stomach and a new wave of paranoia washes over him like a tsunami, but he tries to stay grounded and not let the knowledge that Charles has yet to return further unsettle him. He reminds himself that they're a bit out in the middle of nowhere and that it isn't easy to get anywhere in the snow, even when running. Charles is doing the best he can and he just has to be patient for now, no matter how difficult of a feat that is to accomplish. He's likely only been in the water for maybe a little over a minute now, though to Bård it's honestly felt like hours.

"It's okay," Vegard says, meeting his eyes. "He's going to get help. Just try to relax and focus on staying calm. If you panic, you're just going to make things worse."

"I'm not panicking, Vegard," Bård responds, not intending to sound as irritated as he does. "I know what to do."

Vegard holds up his hands as a sign of surrender and nods apologetically. "Okay, alright. Just trying to help." He heaves a sigh and turns back to face the hillside, the direction where Charles had fled not too long ago, willing the man to peek his head over the snow bank and ease everybody's concerns. Vegard knows that they've got to remain patient and do their best to wait for Charles to return with whatever he's decided to bring back with him. Thinking back, Vegard hadn't heard very much of what Charles had said when the man had taken off running in the direction of the car. He'd only registered that he had gone to get something to help get his brother out of the water. At the moment, Vegard had been rather preoccupied with ensuring that Bård was okay and calm to really understand what anyone was saying to him. He only heard one of the crew members warn him not to get too close, at the danger of the ice caving beneath him as well, and for that Vegard was thankful. If the rest of the team hadn't been around, perhaps he wouldn't have remained so sensible and perhaps then both he _and_ Bård would be in this dangerous situation together. Vegard doesn't want Bård to be in danger and would easily trade places with him if he could, but realistically he doesn't want to be in the water either. He just wants everybody to be safe.

~~_*** * * * *** _ ~~

 

Unfortunately, what feels like another century (but is really only a couple of minutes) goes by and there's still no sign of the Canadian over the horizon. There's no sign of any help at all. Vegard does his best to not show Bård how worried he is about this, knowing that scaring his brother is the last thing that he really should do in this situation, but it's difficult. With every moment that passes, Bård is even more exposed to dangerous temperatures and is at a higher risk to develop hypothermia. Vegard wants to get him out now but doesn't know how to attempt a rescue without the risk of him falling in too. He could care less about having to deal with the icy water if it would help get his brother out, but he knows that he will be no help to Bård if he's there thrashing in the water right next to him. It's a silly thing to be thinking about at a time like this, but he momentarily recalls the countless safety lectures he and his brother have had to listen to while on flights. The flight attendants always say to put your mask on first before you help anyone else, even if you have a baby with you. It's more important to ensure that you're safe and capable before trying to help someone else. If you don't place your mask on first, you may lose consciousness and then will become utterly useless for anyone you're traveling with. Vegard reminds himself that this is a similar situation. He wants to help Bård with his mask, but if Vegard doesn't deal with his own mask first, they could both easily end up dead.

 _Not that B_ _ård is going to end up dead_ , he almost shouts. _You can't think that way. It's going to be fine. He's going to be fine. Stop freaking out and help him_.

"Vegard?"

He turns back to his brother and frowns. Bård looks very tired and very concerned. Things are taking too long and the shock is beginning to wear at him.

"Don't worry, we'll figure something out," Vegard says, hoping he sounds consoling and not dishonest. "Just try to hold on a bit longer, okay? Charles should be back any second now, and then we can get you out and get you warm. You'll see. It's going to be fine."

"What if he doesn't come back?" Bård asks. He suddenly looks very small.

"Why wouldn't he come back?"

The younger brother frowns. "Maybe he hurt his leg again."

Vegard shakes his head. "Nah, don't be silly. Of course he's going to come back. You know that. It's just taking him a bit longer than I thought it would. It's a pretty far way up the hillside and you know how hard it was for us to get out here. He's doing the best he can and when he gets back we're going to get you out. I promise you. Just do what I said earlier. Try to relax and try not to freak out and just focus on breathing in and out and you'll be fine. Nothing bad's going to happen to you. We're right here with you and everything's going to be okay. Don't you trust me?"

Bård sucks in a heavy breath but doesn't answer, instead trying again to readjust his position against the ice in the water, feeling himself slipping once more. It's a much greater task than he initially thought because now he realizes, as he tries to use them, that his hands aren't cooperating. In fact, his fingers don't even seem to work at all. He kicks his feet slightly beneath the water and tries his best to stay afloat, but his entire body feels shaky and numb and it's only at this point that he realizes just how exhausted he truly is. In his haste to find his footing, he once again forces his palms up onto the ice and tries to clumsily pull himself forward as much as he can without sinking back down. But once he seems to have found a good position, like before, the ice cracks beneath his weight and leaves him writhing in the water. He's nearly too weak to pull himself any further, and he recognizes this as a very bad sign. Charles is nowhere in sight and Bård knows that he can't take much longer in the cold before hypothermia gets the best of him. Already he feels sluggish and weak. If nobody can get him out of the water within the next minute, he's not sure that he's going to be able to hold on any longer. The thought sends a feeling of rekindled panic and determination throughout his core, and he fumbles again to try and get himself up onto the ice. There is no use in waiting around for rescue that isn't coming, at least not in time. If he wants to survive, which he absolutely does, then he has to try and do something about it himself while he still has the remaining energy left to do so. It's the only way.

"What are you doing?" Vegard asks, sounding alarmed.

Again, Bård leaves his brother without an answer. Like before, he struggles to force himself out of the water and onto a steady piece of ice. But no matter which direction he tries to go, the ice always seems to break from beneath him. The desperation within him only seems to further complicate things, as instead of being slow and gentle with the delicate ice, he's moving a bit too rough and too frantic. Every time the ice caves beneath him, he can feel his heart beat faster. Every time he falls back into the water, the more he struggles to get a good breath of air. This in turn only causes him to tire even more and leaves him feeling more and more distressed as the moments tick by.

"Stop moving," he hears someone say. He isn't sure who it is this time. It doesn't matter. He doesn't care. "Bård! Hey! Bård, listen to me! Stop it! Stop moving! You need to calm down and save your strength!"

"I can't," is all he manages to say as he thrashes about. "I can't anymore..." He wants to finish the sentence but he isn't sure how to. He wants to tell them that he can't hold out much longer. That he's too cold and too tired and too weak to keep his head above water now. That he can't feel his legs and that he can't get his fingers to move the way he wants them to. His chest aches and his head feels heavy and he doesn't want to die here. He doesn't want to die in a frozen Canadian lake in front of his brother and a camera crew and he knows that if he doesn't get out very soon that is exactly what is going to happen. He's not going to be able to fight it much longer. He's afraid that if his head goes under just once that he won't be able to push himself back up again. He won't have nearly enough strength or willpower to do so. He needs to get out. He has to keep moving. He can't just wait around for something to happen. He can't die now. He can't leave Vegard like this. He can't give up this easily. He just can't.

"Yes, you can!" the same someone shouts. "You can do it, Bård! Just hold on a bit longer!"

"I c-can't!" he says again, though it comes out sounding more like an anguished sob than anything else. "I don't w-want to... d-die..."

Vegard's frantic voice suddenly penetrates his thoughts. "You're not going to die! Listen to me, Bård! You are _NOT_ going to die! And you'd have another thing coming if you really believed that I was going to let that happen to you. But you've got to calm down and stop moving around! You need to save your energy and breathe! We're going to get you out. We're going to get you out of there, just as soon as - _fuck_!" He runs ten fingers through his hair and begins to pace. "Where the fuck is Charles?! What is taking him so long?"

"He's not coming!" Bård cries. "I c-can't...w-wait for him..."

"Okay. We need to get him out of there _now_ ," Vegard says, inching a few steps closer to where his brother is struggling to stay afloat. The panic has settled within him fully and he no longer cares about trying to keep a straight face. He knows quite well that if he doesn't reach Bård within the next thirty seconds, he might not make it out of the water alive or at all. It's not something that he wants to think about, but he knows that it's a very realistic thought to have. That all but makes him more determined to act now instead of wait for even a second longer. At this point, they don't have many more seconds left to spare. "We can't just keep standing around here waiting for someone to come help us. Nobody's here! We have to do something. Bård can't hold on much longer. He's been in there way too fucking long and we've done nothing to help him! We have to do something!"

"Get back! If you get any closer, you're going to fall in!" Anders warns. "It's not safe."

Vegard looks angry. "Well, somebody's got to fucking _do_ something! We can't just leave him in there!"

Anders shakes his head and frowns. "If you go trying to pull him out yourself, we're going to end up with two people in the water and you know that. If you want to help Bård then you need to stay calm and not do anything stupid." He takes a moment to peer over his shoulder and check for any sign of rescue, but when it isn't there, he curses. "Shit. Okay. Look, we already should have someone on the way from the hospital. Charles told us to phone the paramedics the moment he left. I'm not sure how far the nearest hospital is, considering we're so far out from any major town, but I'm sure somebody's coming. And with any luck, Charles should be back here any moment now, and hopefully the EMT's will arrive soon too. You stay here with your brother, Vegard, and I'll go run and see if I can't find Charles somewhere nearby. Maybe he does need help with something."

Deciding that this is the best they can do right now, Vegard nods. Anders gives him a quick pat on the arm and then takes off in the direction that Charles disappeared some time prior. With the man gone, Vegard returns his focus to his brother, who is still struggling breathlessly to stay afloat in the water. He knows that Bård is trying not to lose absolute control and that he's doing his best to not let panic overcome him, for his sake, but it's easy to see how terrified he is. Vegard can only imagine his expression must closely resemble Bård's, because knowing that his brother is so close to giving out from exhaustion scares the shit out of him. It leaves him wanting to jump in and pull him out, even at the risk of endangering himself. But as long as Bård is still conscious and breathing, he will have to restrain himself from doing such a thing. If something happens and Bård suddenly passes out, Vegard won't even hesitate to get in with him. But that's the worst case scenario, and right now it's the scenario he's trying so desperately to avoid.

"Bård?" he calls, waiting for an answer. He doesn't get one. He feels his pulse spike. "Bård?! Answer me!"

It takes a moment but eventually Bård turns to look at him, looking pained and beyond exhausted. His lips are a bit blue. Vegard curses inwardly and fights the urge to scream out loud. Bård is clearly becoming hypothermic and there's no telling just how long much longer he can stay in the water and remain conscious. He must have been in there for more than ten or eleven minutes already, and that's more than enough time for his body to begin shutting down considering how cold it is outside. "Call the emergency line again," Vegard tells Knut, glancing at him only briefly. "Make sure that someone's coming. Just to be safe."

Knut nods and turns away from the brothers, pulling out his phone.

"Bård? You still with me?" Vegard asks, bending slightly to look closer at his brother. "Come on, say something. Stay with us."

"I'm...c-cold..." is all he manages to say. The two words seem to take the breath out of him.

Vegard nods. "I know, I know. But we're going to get you out of there there in a second. You've just gotta try and stay with us for now, okay? I'm going to try and find a stick or something that maybe I can use to help pull you out. I don't want to wait for Anders and Charles to get back, and who knows when the paramedics are going to get here. But you've gotta promise you'll keep your eyes open and you'll keep holding on while you're waiting, yeah? You gotta keep holding on."

"N-no..." Bård says, shaking his head. "Don't l-leave...me..."

"I'm just going to find something to pull you out. I'll be right back. Knut's right here," he explains, throwing a thumb in the older man's direction. "He's going to stay here with you and make sure that nothing happens. You're gonna be alright. Just keep talking to him and I'll be right back. I'm going to hurry."

Bård doesn't even feel the tears begin to roll down the cascades of his cheeks. There isn't much he feels at this point, and though he knows that this is a very bad thing, a darker part in the back of his brain tells him that this is the best thing that could happen. He always thought freezing to death would be a decent way to die, at least in comparison to other ways. Not so much because it is ideal, because it truly isn't, but more so because at least the victims usually grow so cold and so numb that they can feel nothing anymore. Not even pain. Bård doesn't want to die here, but he has a growing realization that he's going to, and likely very soon. He doesn't really have much choice in the matter. As much as the thought torments him, he feels a strange sense of ease knowing that by now he isn't in as much physical anguish as he was before. That now it's mostly just his mind hurting, his heart aching, and not much else. Bård is afraid of what dying might feel like, but he figures it's probably something akin to falling asleep. He hopes he reaches that point before his head slips beneath the water, because drowning sounds like even less of a fun experience. If his arms give out and he suddenly finds himself beneath the water line, he'll have to take a big gulp and try to get it over with as quickly as possible. He doesn't want the suffering to continue. He just wants out of this now, whether that means he makes it or not. He just wants out.

"Bård..." Vegard starts, seeing the tears. "It's okay..."

"There's already a rescue team on the way," Knut interrupts, easing the eldest brother's worries. "They're trying to hurry."

Vegard releases a breath. "Hey. You hear that? That's good. Help is coming. See? I told you it was coming. They'll be here soon, we just have to wait a bit longer. Just keep holding on as long as you can. They'll be here soon and they'll get you out. By now they've gotta be close. Just hang on."

 _They're not going to make it,_ Bård thinks. _I'm not going to make it._

"I don't...w-want you to...l-leave me..." Bård says, though what he really means is _I don't want to leave you_. Help may very well be on the way but Bård is not a fool. He knows that, given that they're at least forty five minutes out of the nearest town, and that he's only been in the water for some ten or fifteen minutes, there's still quite a while before any rescue will arrive, at least if they're attempting to arrive by vehicle. He won't be able to survive another fifteen minutes submerged in this ice cold water. He can feel himself slipping already. His vision's clouding and the exhaustion is overtaking him. He feels like he's falling into a dream. Bård takes this as meaning he's about to die and, knowing that he won't be able to fight it, wants to keep Vegard with him at his side. He's afraid to go through this without him. He needs Vegard to be there during his last moments, so he can tell him that he's thankful for everything that he's done to take care of him his entire life. That he's been so blessed to have had the chance to work with him all these years and that he loves him both as a business partner and as a brother. And, most importantly, he needs Vegard to be there so that he can make sure he knows how sorry he is for giving up. How sorry he is for having to leave him on his own like this. How sorry he is that things had to end like this.

"We need to get you out of there," Vegard says. He can hear his own voice cracking with despair. He knows something's not right.

"Don't..." Bård chokes out, resting his head down against the ice.

Vegard widens his eyes. "What are you...? Bård, what are you doing? Lift your head up. Keep your head up!" When there's no response, Vegard feels his own eyes stinging with tears. Furiously, he blinks them away, refusing to lose his cool in a moment like this. If he becomes as hysterical as he feels, then he isn't going to be able to help Bård. Not that he's really been much help for him to begin with. The thought leaves a sour taste in his mouth and makes him feel sick. Why had he just stood around and done nothing but wait? So much time had passed already and he had had more than enough time to come up with an alternative solution, another plan of action. If he had been the one in the water, Bård would have already gotten him out, even if he had to jump in and pull him out with his own two hands. And Vegard, the big brother, had done nothing but stand around and watch as his helpless little brother struggled to stay afloat in the icy waters. Vegard decides he cannot fail Bård again. He needs to do something to make sure his brother does not lose consciousness. If he does, Vegard fears he will never wake up again. He can't even imagine what he would do if that were to happen. He doesn't want to think about it. He can't afford to. "Bård!"

"I...just...wantyoutoknowIloveyou..." Bård mumbles incoherently.

Vegard furrows his brows and frowns. "What? What did you say?"

With a sigh, Bård raises his head up and turns to face his brother. Vegard looks absolutely panicked, and it saddens him, but still Bård feels a sense of calm washing over him. He's fading and selfishly he welcomes it. He's too tired and he doesn't want to do this anymore. He wants more time to be with his brother, but as long as he can tell Vegard how he really feels about him, he knows that's enough. "I said...I wanted y-you to know that I l-love you..." The words seem to take all the energy from him, and he sucks in a ragged breath. "Because I d-don't say that to you...n-nearly enough...or like ever...and I r-regret that..."

"Bård..."

"I'm so hap...py...that you're my b-brother..." he continues, trying his best to articulate the words that he has such difficult formulating. "I've been...lucky..."

Vegard seems to know what he's doing, because suddenly he not only looks terrified, but furious. "Stop!" he demands, shaking his head. " _Stop_ it! Don't talk that way. There's no reason for you to talk that way. I love you too, and you're going to be fine. Just fine! So stop being so sentimental and just hold on a bit longer. Help is coming, Bård. You can't give up now, you've already come this far..."

But Bård, apparently, doesn't hear his pleas. "I just wanted you...to k-know...how thankf...ul...I am...for everything that you've...d-done for me...I couldn't h-have..."

" _Nei_ ," Vegard seethes, interrupting him. His vision once again grows blurry and he knows that he's quite powerless to stop the tears. Bård is slipping away and he knows it. It's why he's trying to say goodbye to him now. Vegard feels angry and helpless and horrified knowing that things have gotten this far. Only half an hour ago they were all laughing and smiling together, having a good time. Bård had looked so content while talking with Charles. How everything had turned to shit so quickly, Vegard doesn't know, but he partly blames himself for it. He could've done something more to avoid this. If only he had done something more to help his little brother, he wouldn't be dying. _Fuck that, he's not dying,_ he tells himself desperately. _B_ _ård can't die. I won't let him._ "Stop talking about things and stay with me, Bård. If you love me so much, then stay here with me and don't you let go! We'll pull you out and get you some help!"

Bård has only enough strength left in him to lay his head back down against the ice again. It's coming, he can feel it. It's the only thing he can feel. _At least this is probably going to happen quick,_ he thinks. _It'll just be like falling asleep and I won't even feel a thing. I don't have to be scared. Death happens to everyone and this is just my time. I need to be strong, in these last moments, for Vegard...and for Bjarte...and Mamma and Pappa..._ By now Bård has long stopped shivering and has become violently still. He doesn't even feel cold anymore. _I guess this is it, then...What a way to go...I hope Vegard continues Ylvis without me...he deserves to be happy after I'm gone..._

"Bård."

"I'm s-sorry..."

"Bård," says Vegard again, stern and desperate. "Hey, lift your head up. Come on. Open your eyes! Open your eyes, Bård! Please! Do what I'm telling you!"

 _I can't,_ he thinks. _I can't anymore. I don't have a choice. Please understand this._ "I'm sorry, Vegard..." He struggles to draw in another breath. "Tell everyone that...I'm s-sorry..."

"Tell them your goddamn self," Vegard pleads. Like hell he's going to sit around and watch his brother die. Like hell he's going to let that happen without a fight. Even if something happens and he ends up injured or worse, it'll have been worth it to know that at least he had done something to try and help Bård while he still could. While it wasn't too late. _It's not too late now_ , he tells himself. _I'm not going to let him die on me now, the selfish prick. I'm going to get him out of there myself since there's nothing else left to do_. "Do you hear me, Bård?! Tell them your goddamn self! You're going to be just fine! You're goin-"

Suddenly, he's interrupted by a shout behind him. Vegard quickly glances over his shoulder and sees Knut running towards the hillside, where Charles and Anders suddenly have appeared. Charles is carefully guiding a snowmobile down the slope and Anders is running close behind, carrying a bundle of items in his arms. " _HURRY_!" he hears Knut call out. Vegard only vaguely realizes he's shouting too, feeling desperate and relieved all at the same time. Finally, help is on the way. Finally they can do something to get his brother out.

When he turns to Bård to tell him that Anders and Charles are back, Bård has his face in the water. Panic rises instantly within Vegard. He knows there's no time to hesitate. If Bård stops breathing, he could die. Determined not to even let that be an option, and content knowing that the others are back with the proper equipment, Vegard decides to go for it. He only pauses to peel off his coat and toss it back towards Knut, who has returned to the scene and is looking panicked. Before anyone can say something to him, Vegard begins to crawl (quickly but very carefully) towards Bård, trying not to upset the fragile ice and fall through if he can help it, but prepared for it to happen regardless. There are voices behind him, and he can only imagine they're telling him to stop and step back, but somehow he manages to make out Charles' encouragements. (" _Get your brother, Vegard! Get him, quickly!_ ") Vegard doesn't need to be told twice. He doesn't even need to be told once. Stealthily he makes his way towards the hole and positions himself just a few feet from it, knowing that if he moves any closer the ice is bound to collapse beneath his weight. "Bård," he cries, reaching an arm out to test the distance. His brother is just barely out of reach. "God damn it! Come on! BÅRD!" Knowing there's no other alternative, Vegard pushes himself forward and grabs hold of his brother's hood. He gives a tug and it's barely enough strength to pull Bård's face out of the water. Vegard knows he isn't breathing and that they need to get him out immediately. He can feel the ice trembling beneath him and he tries to move back as best he can without letting go of Bård, but it's a struggle. As he drags Bård along, more and more of the ice seems to crumble around them.

Suddenly there are people at his feet, pulling him back to safety. Vegard tries to readjust his grip on his brother's clothing, terrified to accidentally let go. Then a shadow looms over him and Charles appears with a rope at his side. "I'm going to throw this around your brother so we can pull him out safely," he announces. "It's good that you got his face out of the water, but we don't want anyone else to fall in with him." The man skillfully tosses the rope over Bård's frame and Vegard is all but inclined to release his hold on the green hood, as much as it frightens him. Charles has returned with a mess of equipment, which explains why it had taken him so long to return to the scene. Vegard felt angry before that it had taken so long, because his brother had suffered more than enough during the wait, but now feels thankful that Charles is prepared enough to help the situation. Realizing that he is of little use now, Vegard scrambles back to his feet and returns to safety beside Knut, who places a comforting hand over his shoulder and watches on in mutual horror. Once sure that the rope is safely around Bård's body, and that it is not in a position to hurt him, Charles raises a hand and signals for Anders to go. Anders, who is perched over the snowmobile some yards away, nods and very slowly begins to drive the vehicle back towards the hillside, away from the dangerous lake. Vegard only then realizes that the rope that is attached to Bård's motionless frame is also attached to the back of the snowmobile. As Anders drives it along, Bård is pulled closer and closer to them. At first the ice continues to break in his path, but eventually, as they pull him further and further out, the ice begins to thicken. They manage to get Bård's body up and out of the water and onto the steady ice and Anders hops off the snowmobile, grabbing hold of what looks to be some sort of makeshift gurney.

Vegard rushes towards his brother and falls beside him, clutching the front of his coat. "Bård! Bård, can you hear me?! Wake up!"

"He's not conscious," Charles reminds him, gently pushing Vegard back by the shoulder. He leans in and hastily removes the rope from around Bård's torso and kneels down beside him, placing an ear to the young man's face to verify that he isn't breathing. When his suspicions are confirmed, he motions for Anders to come closer with, what Vegard now realizes, is a large sled. He places two fingers over Bård's neck. "Okay, we need to get him up and out of the cold. We're going to have to carry him up the hillside. He's got a pulse but it's weak. We don't have much time." The French-Canadian then begins to perform chest compressions, trying to get the unconscious man to breathe.

"Please help him," Vegard cries, too terrified to remain calm and mature. If Charles can't get Bård to breathe, he's never going to wake up. Vegard knows that Bård isn't going to wake up. He hasn't been breathing. The human brain can only last so long without oxygen before it begins to shut down. They can't afford to lose even a second because every second is a second too long. Even if they manage to resuscitate him, the damage to his brain and body could be irreversible. Vegard refuses to believe that they're too late. That he reacted too slowly and that he hadn't pulled Bård's face out of the water in time. He refuses to accept the fact that his brother is so much closer to death than he is to life. He wants to stay level headed so that he can be of use, and can help Bård, but in this moment of weakness he feels his legs are close to giving out. He doesn't want to lose his brother. Not like this and not right now. He just can't let that happen. If there is really a god, how could he let this happen?

Vegard feels Knut's hand on him again, offering consolation, but he pays little attention to it. He simply watches as Charles continues CPR, attempting to get Bård breathing on his own again. It takes longer than Vegard feels it should, and Charles' expression grows more and more concerned as the time passes on, but the man does not give up, to which everyone is thankful. "Come on, Bård," he says, pressing on his chest. "Come on. Come back to us. Stay with us." When there's no reaction, Charles glances up to signal Vegard to move closer. "Bård, your brother's here. Vegard's here with you. Come on, stay with us, son. Vegard, talk to him."

"I'm here, Bård," the eldest says, placing a gentle hand over his brother's forehead. "I'm here. Please. Stay with us. Stay with me, here. We need you. I need you. I need you, Bård. I need you to wake up...please...please wake up..."

Charles refuses to give up trying, but the lack of response from Bård concerns him. By now he hasn't been breathing for nearly a minute. It's crucial they get oxygen into his lungs and his brain before it's too late. Charles is vaguely suspicious that they've already reached that point but he pushes on, trying not to hurt the boy's chest but desperate to get him breathing again. Even if they can get Bård out of the cold and into someplace warm, if they don't get him breathing again he could very well die anyway. That's not something Charles wants to happen, but with every compression comes another worry.

"He's not waking up," Vegard says, horrified. "Why isn't he waking up? Why isn't he breathing?"

The man performing CPR does not respond to that question. He continues his attempts to resuscitate the unconscious young man lying there on the ice, adamant in doing whatever he can to improve his condition, but it appears futile. Then, suddenly, as Charles is mulling over how to break it to Vegard that this might not work, they're granted with what the entire team can only describe as a miracle. Bård sputters and coughs up a mouthful of water. Charles carefully turns him slightly to the side, so as to ensure that he doesn't choke, and breathes a sigh of relief. Bård is finally breathing again. Not as easily as he wishes he would, but breathing nonetheless, which is a good sign. Still, they're not out of the woods yet. He knows that they need to act fast if they want Bård's improvement not to be in vain. He places his ear against the young man's chest and then nods. "Okay, we got him. He's breathing again. He's breathing."

Vegard chokes back a sob in relief.

"Alright. We've got to get him out of here. Vegard, Anders. Help me move him onto the sled so we can carry him. And be careful not to jostle him too much. I think I might've broken a rib or two." Charles adjusts the position of the large sled beside Bård's still body and reaches for his legs. With the help of Vegard and Anders, they manage to successfully move Bård's body onto the flat surface of the sled. "Okay. Now let's get him up the bank. And let's hurry."

The rest of the ordeal seems to pass like some sort of slow motion movie scene to Vegard, or a nightmare. It's almost as if he's floating outside of his own body, numb, watching as Knut and Anders both scramble to collect the film equipment that they'd left abandoned after Bård had first fallen through the ice. They begin to make their way back towards the hillside, making sure to collect Vegard's discarded coat as well. Vegard, who refused to leave his brother's side, helps Charles carry Bård across the remainder of the lake, towards the snow, though he's in such shock from nearly losing his brother that he's amazed that he himself has yet to collapse. Somehow his legs are moving and he doesn't even know how. He can hardly think about anything but Bård's pale face and blue lips. He's slightly surprised at how heavy Bård is like this, like a dead weight and with his clothes so drenched. It's a struggle to move quickly over the ice, and a few times he almost slips, but somehow they manage to get Bård off of the frozen lake.

Vegard isn't entirely sure what happens after that. He knows that they manage to get Bård loaded into the van, and he vaguely remembers realizing that a woman has joined them, possibly Charles' wife. Everyone is talking at once, trying to figure out what to do, wondering where in the world the paramedics are and why they have yet to show. Vegard places a hand over his brother's chest and tries to focus on the thumping of Bård's heart. It brings him a sense of comfort, knowing that his heart is still beating, but the comfort is short lived as Charles pushes his hand aside and begins to cut Bård free of his wet clothing, barking orders. Vegard tries to stay by his side, if only to give Bård the moral support he feels he needs, but there isn't much space in the van and he's mostly getting in the way. He feels multiple arms grabbing at him, pulling him away from the scene. For a moment he struggles, trying to break free of the hold, refusing to leave his brother's side, afraid of what might happen if he's not there. But the arms are forceful and he knows that there are voices there, trying to calm him. Realizing that there's no good reason for him to be so combative, and that everyone is just trying to do what's best for Bård, he allows his body to fall limp. He allows them to lead him away from the van. Maybe it's best he doesn't see, he thinks. Maybe it's best that he doesn't watch his brother die. As much as he doesn't want to believe that's what is going to happen, Vegard knows that Bård's chances of survival are looking slimmer and grimmer as the minutes tick by. His body is so cold and he wasn't breathing for too long. If by some miracle the cold somehow doesn't kill him, the lack of oxygen to his brain will.

He doesn't recognize his own fall but suddenly, when he comes to, he realizes that he's in Anders' arms. Anders is whispering words of comfort to him, trying to get him to focus. The lady, the one Vegard previously assumed to be Charles' wife, is standing over him, a look of concern across her face. There's a blanket strewn over his shoulders and he can hear numerous voices around him, but he can't recognize who they belong to. It takes him another moment to really come to the realization that it's no longer just them there on the side of the road. The paramedics have arrived and have managed to load Bård onto a stretcher, covering him with a heated blanket. This confuses Vegard, who doesn't understand how they could have arrived and done so much so fast without his notice.

"He's stable," Anders tells him, knowing he wants answers. "They're transporting him to the hospital now. He's going to be okay."

~~_*** * * * *** _ ~~

 

Vegard expects to hear good news after they arrive at the hospital. Demands to. But there are so many questions and so few available answers that he feels he very well may go mad before he learns any more about the fate of his younger brother. The crew tells him to calm down, to take a seat and stop panicking, but Vegard cannot stay still. Knowing that Bård was in such a critical condition when he'd last seen him, he cannot stop himself from worrying. He can't get the image out of his head of his brother lying face down in the water. Of his skin so white and so cold. Of his lips so blue. Bård had looked so small and so lifeless lying there on the ice when they'd pulled him out. Charles had attempted to resuscitate him for what felt like such a long time with no response. In those terrifying moments, Bård had truly looked dead. Vegard had never seen a sight so haunting in his life.

If Bård does not make it out of this ordeal alive, Vegard doesn't know what he will do. How will he make it out of the hospital on his own two feet? How would he be able to carry on another day without Bård? They're more than just business partners, they're family. They're friends. How could Vegard call his parents, his youngest brother, the office - anyone - and tell them that Bård was dead? That he had failed as a big brother to save Bård from the danger he was in? Vegard knows those are things he is not capable of even fathoming having to do. He just can't stop thinking about how he'd screwed up so badly, waiting there for rescue to come. If he had only gotten Bård out of the water sooner, maybe things wouldn't have gotten this bad. Vegard should have jumped in the moment he saw Bård fall through. Even if he had ended up dead in the process, it would've been worth it to know that he'd gotten Bård to safety, or had at the very least died trying his best to. _Bård doesn't deserve to die here,_ Vegard thinks. If anyone, it's him who deserves it.

"Jesus, Vegard," Anders sighs. "You're going to leave a hole in the floor with all that pacing. Please sit down?"

"I can't believe this is happening," Vegard says, ignoring Anders' plea. He takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his curly hair, walking towards the window and taking a glance outside. The snow is falling gracefully and normally he would consider the sight beautiful, but now it leaves him feeling hollow and cold. He hugs the coat tighter around his frame and shudders involuntarily, remembering how frigid it had been outside when they'd been out on the lake. Remembering how cold Bård's skin had felt the last time he'd touched him. "This can't be happening," he decides, peering down the empty halls. "Why aren't they telling us anything?"

Knut frowns. "They're probably busy trying to make sure Bård's okay. They might not have time to explain much now. But they will later. We've just got to wait patiently for them to come to us."

This response angers Vegard, who turns on his heels and glares at Knut. "I've had enough waiting around for people today! Honestly, do you not remember how we all just stood around and watched Bård when he was down there in the water?! How we all just waited around for help to come by? Don't you remember that? And what good did that do?! What sort of help was that to Bård, huh? By the time we got him out of the water, it was practically too late. He wasn't even breathing! And now Bård could very well die because of that!" His voice comes out laced with more than just anger. It's laced with desperation and fear and regret. Vegard's losing it. "Like hell you're going to tell me to be patient and keep standing by doing nothing. Doing nothing is what gets people killed! I'm not going to have my own brother's death hanging over my head because I stood around and did nothing but wait for others to act first. I already made that mistake the first time, and I'm not going to make that mistake again. I'm tired of waiting for answers to come. For our prayers to magically be answered like some fucking circus show. I want to see Bård. Now! Not later. I want them to tell me what his prognosis is. Now! Not later! I'm not going to stand around here not having answers! That's my goddamn brother in there! He's gone through so much already. The last thing he needs right now is to have to go through this alone! I should be in there with him, at his side, telling him that everything's okay! Not out here pacing in the fucking waiting room, waiting for them to come and tell me whether or not he's even alive!"

There's a moment of silence after Vegard's explosion that leaves the entire scene with a somewhat awkward feeling. Vegard, out of breath, glances around and realizes that there are a few people he doesn't know across the room, staring at him with poorly hidden discomfort and shock. Surely they haven't understood him, considering he's been shouting in Norwegian in a hospital in French-speaking Quebec, but it's easy enough to see that he's frightened them. The film crew beside him looks sympathetic and mostly tired. Knut won't even look at him. Vegard realizes that he's just made a giant fool out of himself and unfortunately cannot simply play it off. Instead, feeling guilty, he sinks back into the seat beside Anders and places his face in his hands, sobbing. When Anders reaches over and tries to grab his forearm, Vegard weakly tries to pull away.

"No..."

"Vegard, stop. Look at me."

He refuses. He's embarrassed at himself for everything he's done today, and for everything he hasn't. He can't stop picturing Bård's lifeless body in his head. The way that Charles had tried to get him breathing for such a lengthy amount of time with no success. Vegard remembers seeing Bård look so helpless in the water, and remembers feeling just as helpless himself knowing there was so little he could really do beside shout meaningless words of encouragement. How stupid the whole thing had been. How stupid he is for not having done enough. How stupid he is for always taking his anger out on everyone else when, in reality, it is himself that he's so angry at. Nobody else. He can't even be angry with Bård for letting go, as much as he tries to, because he knows there was nothing Bård could have done differently to change things. It's not fair to think Bård should have fought harder to remain conscious. None of this has been fair to Bård at all. None of this has been fair for anyone.

"Vegard," Anders repeats, sounding calm. "Stop...Damn it, look at me..."

When the crew member pulls his hands away from his face, Vegard has no choice but to oblige. He turns to Anders with a tear slicked face and waits for the berating he assumes he's going to get. But Anders surprises him by not looking disappointed but, rather, gentle. He pats Vegard quickly over the cheek and gives him a nod of understanding and forgiveness. It seems to be all that Vegard needs before he crumbles again, Anders pulling him closer to him.

"It's going to be okay," the man says, confidently. "You'll see. Everything's going to be fine."

"How can you possibly know that?" Vegard asks, desperate for a proper answer.

Anders raises his brows. "Well, for starters, your brother is a stubborn piece of shit...and I really do mean that in the fondest way possible. I swear, you Ylvisåkers are all the same in that sense. Hell if I've ever seen a pair more stubborn and thick headed than you two! When there's something that you both want, no matter how crazy, you grab it head on by the horns like an angry bull and hold onto it for as long as your strength allows you to. And then when the bull kicks you down and tries to trample over you like a rag doll, you fight back and, somehow, no matter how insane it is, you always come out on top. You always do. When you two set your mind on something you get it done. It can be very irritating at times when you're coming up with terrible, mad ideas. But it is also quite endearing and something that I admire about you both. You are the poster children for the _Never Give Up_ slogan, if I've ever seen any."

Vegard remains quiet, listening.

"And knowing that you two are both stubborn as hell, especially your brother, I'm more than confident that Bård would refuse to go down without a proper fight. You saw how long he tried to hold on. It must've been hell in that water and still he tried to make a joke out of it in the beginning, because that's just how you guys are. And that's just what you guys do. And yeah, we did almost lose him for a second there when he stopped breathing. That was scary, and it scared me too. It scared all of us, quite frankly. It wasn't just you freaking out down there. But even when things were starting to look very bleak, Bård's stubborness came through, like always. He's a fucking fighter, and I believe that was him fighting back the bull even when it had already tried to trample him."

There's a pause where Vegard imagines the scene literally. It scares him to picture Bård lying there on the ground, wounded, but when he sees Bård get up and punch the bull square in the nose, he feels a sense of ease come over him. It's true what Anders says, about Bård being a stubborn piece of shit. Vegard has never heard of a title so fitting.

Taking the silence as a sign to continue, Anders does so. "Like I said earlier, Vegard, he was stable enough when the paramedics got to him. That's always a healthy sign. I'm not saying that he's going to be back to 100% immediately, because no doubt it's going to take a while for him to fully recover. There's no point in pretending it isn't serious. He's gone through a lot, physically and mentally. It's going to be hard. It's going to be very hard. But Bård loves being presented with challenges, no matter how difficult they are. And this is just another challenge for him. For all of us. And I know that with you at his side, supporting him, and cheering him on, he's going to do his very best to overcome this. I feel very positive about that. And I may not know your brother as well as you do, because I haven't spent as much time with him as you have, but the kid that I saw today, in that water, was not only brave but very determined to fight. And he's going to need you to stay strong too, and fight with him. He's going to need your help. Do you think you can do that?"

Vegard chokes back another sob and nods, wiping his eyes with the back of his sleeve.

"Good. That's good, Vegard. You're a good brother. Bård is lucky to have you."

He wants to protest, he really does, because he doesn't feel like a good brother. But he knows that it's pointless to continue his pity party right now. As much as he feels guilty for not having done enough, Vegard knows that this is not the time nor the place to sulk. He's wasted too much of this time regretting and giving up hope. This shouldn't be about him, this should be about Bård. And what Bård needs from him right now is to stay strong and remain positive for him. Bård needs him to fight just as hard, and guide him along the journey, because he won't be able to do it on his own. Vegard tells himself that it's okay to be scared for his brother, but that it's not okay to let that fear control him again. No news is good news, and right now he'll take all the good news he can get. He forces himself to take a calming breath and sits there for a moment, composing himself. He feels humiliated about blowing up a moment ago, about snapping at poor Knut in front of the entire room. Knut hadn't deserved that.

Clearing his throat, he leans forward and turns to see the man in question, who is sitting on the other side of Anders. "Knut..."

The man only answers with a small smile and shake of the head. "Forget it, Vegard."

Vegard doesn't. "I'm sorry...I shouldn't have yelled at you like that...I shouldn't have raised my voice. I was just upset and..."

"Vegard. It's fine," he says again, holding a hand up to stop him. "I understand. We're all upset and we all want the same thing. All of us are on the same side here. I'm not angry with you. Nobody is. There's no need to dwell on something so insignificant now. Everything's all good."

Vegard nods, gives Knut a smile in thanks, and leans back in his chair, tiredly. As much as he hates not having answers, he knows that Bård is in good, capable hands. The doctors here surely know how to deal with this sort of thing, better than he ever could, and he has to put his faith in them that they're doing what they can to make sure Bård's condition improves properly after that horrifying ordeal out on the lake. If Bård was dead, he would know. The doctors would have told him already. They wouldn't have kept that a secret from him. They couldn't. Legally and morally, they couldn't. Taking that into account calms him, has him feeling hopeful like the others. He takes another deep breath and balls his right hand into a fist, leaning his head back to look up at the spotted ceiling.

 _Come on, B_ _ård,_ he urges silently. _Come on, bro. You and me, like always. You take one horn and I'll take the other._


	2. deux

The waiting never really seems to end. By the time someone comes to talk to them, some incomprehensible amount of time after Bård is first admitted, it feels like an entire millennium has long since passed. Much to everyone's relief Bård is alive. The doctor says he's very lucky to have been pulled out of that water when he was because, if he hadn't been, there's no way he would've survived even another minute on the lake. Vegard pretends to not understand just so that he can hear those reassuring words once more. The news is bittersweet. Bård is alive, the doctor confirms, but his body has suffered a lot. He'd developed a fairly severe case of hypothermia, considering he'd been out in the cold for so long. They've managed to raise his temperature back up to a more normal level and are monitoring his condition closely but, as the doctor tells them, it's a miracle things didn't end up worse than they did. Luckily for Bård the rescue team arrived just in time and, luckily for Bård, Charles had been there to help get him breathing again. The doctor says things could've ended a lot differently had they not tried to resuscitate him. Vegard cautiously asks about the risk of brain damage, considering Bård had been without oxygen for what had probably been about a minute or more, though a voice in the back of his head tells him he should already know the answer. Unconsciously he holds his breath as he waits for a response, needing the reassurance. The doctor tells him that it usually takes a bit longer to see very serious effects on the brain. Perhaps if Bård, in a normal situation, had not been breathing for more than three or four minutes, the damage could become permanent. If his brain had been deprived for any more than that, survival would not be likely. But thankfully, the doctor reminds them, Bård was lucky to have been resuscitated so quickly. In every sense Bård was lucky. Vegard is overjoyed to know that his brother is not dead, and that it's unlikely there are serious neurological complications impeding his recovery - but about the luck thing he isn't quite sure. That had not been luck out there. He's not entirely sure he knows what that was.

They want to see him. They ask to see Bård but the doctor shakes his head apologetically and tells them no, they can't. Not yet. He's still being closely monitored and treated for his injuries. The CPR fractured two ribs but the damage is not serious and with time the fractures will heal. The doctor explains that it isn't something they should be extremely concerned about. A couple of broken ribs is not a very high price to pay for one's life. However, Bård's body was subjected to very low temperatures during the time he spent stranded in the lake. The doctor does expect an eventual full recovery, but now they are dealing with keeping his temperature and his overall condition stable. They've got him on oxygen just as a precaution, as earlier his breathing had been somewhat labored, but fortunately over time it has grown significantly more consistent. The only other major thing are Bård's extremities, specifically his hands and feet, which are slightly frostbitten because of the cold. Luckily it isn't that serious and it will be easy to treat. For what he can gather at the moment, Bård's prognosis seems to be quite good but, as a general warning, Dr. Delacroix reminds them that in cases like this anything can happen. Only time will tell how quickly or well Bård will improve after his ordeal. He doesn't have any more information to share, nor time to share it, but he promises to keep them updated with news as it comes. They will eventually move Bård into another room, likely very soon assuming his condition continues to improve as it has been, and then they will all have a chance to see him personally. Then the doctor excuses himself and disappears behind swinging doors.

Vegard collapses into the chair and waits. And waits and waits and waits. The waiting never really ends. It doesn't seem possible it will. When he glances at the time on his phone he realizes that only thirty minutes have passed since Dr. Delacroix first came to tell them about Bård's condition. This confuses him because he could swear at least two more hours had passed since then. The seconds seems to be passing incredibly slow and he fidgets uncomfortably in his seat, tapping his foot impatiently against the floor in a steady rhythm. He knows that patience is important, that hospitals are typically busy places, and that doctors are often overwhelmed with the amount of incoming and outgoing patients. Still, greedily, he wants them to treat Bård as their biggest priority. Though he does understand that Bård is no longer in the same life or death situation as he possibly was before, thank the universe for that, he still finds himself wishing for everyone's focus to be on his brother. He knows it's an unrealistic wish but one that is justified considering how close he'd come to nearly losing him.

"I'm going to get a snack," Anders says, bringing him out of his reverie. "Want anything?"

Vegard shakes his head and politely declines, shifting his focus to a black speck on the far wall. For a few moments he sits there, staring, desperate to know what the dark spot is and how long it's been there, and for what reason. It's not important in the slightest for him to have this information but, for the sake, of his sanity, he tries desperately to concentrate on something other than the thought that Bård is lying in a hospital bed somewhere in the building, hooked up to beeping machines and strings, being poked and prodded at. If there's one thing Bård has always hated it's being prodded at. Vegard only turns away from the random speck the moment his phone vibrates in his hand. He averts his gaze from the wall and checks the screen of the device. Without his notice, a sigh escapes his chest.

"Is it your mom again?"

Lifting a brow to Knut, Vegard nods. "Yeah. She's been texting every five minutes. I don't know what to tell her."

Knut leans back in his seat, pausing to pop a chip into his mouth (courtesy of Anders), and shrugs. "Well, there isn't very much that you _can_ tell her at this point. You already told her all that you knew when you called her. Until the doctor comes and gives us more information, there's nothing more you can really do. I know she's worried...she _is_ a mother, after all. Worrying is what mothers do best, even when they fail at doing most other things. But if there's nothing left to say then there's nothing left to say. You can't stop her from worrying, regardless of what you tell her. When there's news, there's news. You can tell her more then."

"I know. But I just feel bad knowing that everyone at home is freaking out. Like it's bad enough that we're here right now, as it's happening," Vegard says, motioning around them. "But imagine _not_ being here. I think about how it must feel to be in her position, to know that something is wrong with Bård and that he's too far away to be helped. I know if I was in another country when an accident like this happened, knowing that he almost _died_ , I would not be okay. I would not be okay knowing that I wasn't near him when he needed me to be. To just be there for him, to support him, or to see him and touch him. To verify that he was alright. Or to be able to say goodbye if it came to that. I don't even want to think about it."

"Then don't," Knut says, passing over the bag of chips. "There's no point in thinking about that sort of thing because you're here now, and he _is_ alright. We're going to see him soon and then you'll be able to verify with your own two eyes, for everyone, that it's true. The doctor said his improvement was promising."

Vegard eyes the bag of chips warily but takes it, stealing a bite. "Yeah...but I still just feel bad about it..."

Knut has the decency to also offer up a sigh. "Vegard, look. I know that it's upsetting. And that is by far an understatement. We're all upset here too and we all want to see Bård get better and walk out of here as soon as he can. He is our friend, after all. And it's very scary to think about how close this whole thing came to being a horrible disaster. Not that it wasn't horrible enough already but...you get what I mean. Things could've been a lot worse. The doctor said so himself like a thousand times over. I lost count at nine hundred and forty. By that time I'm not sure he was even speaking English. And yeah, it's beyond frightening to know that we almost lost him today. It's hard, almost insulting, to be reminded of how fleeting life is. How things can be changed so drastically so fast. I remember when I had my car accident a few years back and I was critically injured. The doctors told me that my prognosis did not look good and that they did not expect me to survive. But I did. And looking back at it, it was unsettling to think that I almost lost everything within a matter of seconds, when before then everything was going absolutely fine. Sometimes shit literally just happens and nobody knows why. But if I let that thought consume me for the rest of my natural life, I would probably be hiding away in a bunker right now, not really living my life because I would be too afraid. If anything, that accident taught me to cherish what I had and be thankful for my second chance. Yes, it was scary knowing that I almost died. But it was even scarier realizing that before then I had taken so much for granted."

"Yeah, but I think everybody takes things for granted, to some extent. Whether they try to or not. It's just human nature."

"That is unfortunately true, it seems. Humans do have a history of this," Knut continues, nodding. He takes back the bag. "But the point is that while realizing that something horrible had happened, I also realized that something amazing had happened as well. It was like I was born all over again. It was a really good feeling in those first few months after my accident where I realized that, even though I was injured and hurting, I was really lucky to have gone through that and lived to tell the tale of it. And though I tried to be more careful and cautious, which is not a bad thing, I mostly realized that what I needed to do was not try and shield myself so much from the what-ifs, but to embrace that I was still breathing and try to take advantage of that fact by living my life in the best way that I possibly could. And by being thankful every single day that I had made it out of that experience alive and well. So, by all means, be upset because you nearly lost your brother today. You are entitled to that. But don't make the mistake of letting that ruin the experience for you. Do you get what I mean? I don't mean that you have to enjoy it. Far from that. But let this be a positive experience in the end, for you and Bård both, because you'll have come out of it knowing that things could've ended differently and yet they still ended in your favor. That is definitely something to be happy about. I know I'm happy about it."

Vegard grimaces and glances down at his phone, held tightly in his palm. "Yeah. I do understand what you're saying. But I don't think my mother can see it like that right now. Or anyone for that matter. It's hard to see the good in the situation when naturally they can only see the bad. How can I expect them to see much of the big picture when right now the only picture they have is me telling them that Bård had stopped breathing? I sort of wish I hadn't said anything to them now, at least until I had more uplifting information to give them, because they must be worrying themselves sick over there. I want to be able to spare them that suffering, even if just for a little while. Too many people have suffered today."

Knut smiles sadly. "Ah, you know they would have killed you if you'd kept it from them. At least by speaking with them they can offer you a bit of comfort as well. It's good to have family to lean on in these situations, even if only virtually. I'm sure they're glad that you called. I would be. But like I said, Vegard, there's no point in dwelling over what almost happened. Bård almost died. No need to beat around the bush. That _almost_ happened. It's a horrible thing to think about. But it _didn't_ happen, thankfully. He didn't die and right now he's in there being taken care of and the doctor said he should be alright. So if thinking about what almost could've happened today is so awful, don't waste your time thinking about it, because now there's no use in that anyway. Be thankful that soon you'll get to see your brother and tell him how much trouble he's in for ruining another day of filming." Here, Knut stops to give Vegard a gentle nudge, ensuring he understands it's just a joke. "If you really want to help your family feel more at ease with the situation, you're going to have to stop obsessing over the fact that things almost ended a certain way and start obsessing over the fact that they ended a _different_ certain way. If your mother sees that you're feeling positive about it, then she's going to feel calmer and she's not going to stress herself so much over the possibilities either. Not to say that she's going to stop worrying completely, because worrying is a mother's full time job, as it is a big brother's job, but at least it will give her a chance to see things in a positive way too. That will benefit you all in the long run. Tell her that there's no news yet, but that you will contact her again the moment you hear anything. And stop feeling guilty about making her worry. You know you did the right thing in calling her and I'm sure she'd say the same thing. You don't always have to take the blame for things that aren't your fault. Not everything that happens needs an owner."

The eldest Ylvisåker laughs. "Jesus Christ. You definitely don't sound like a fucking sound technician. You sound more like Dr. Phil."

"Well, what can I say?" Knut says, shrugging again. He pops another chip into his mouth, glad that the mood has lighted considerably since the start of their (mostly one-sided) talk. "I am a man with many talents."

Vegard nods in agreement. "That is sadly true. Maybe you should take my place and start hosting your own TV shows from now on. I can man the microphone. I think by now I've seen you do it so much I could figure it out. And maybe we'll give Bård a time out too and have him operate the camera. Anders can take his place and you two can be the stars together. Bård and I will be your film crew and follow you around the world."

"Now that would be some good television!"

"Yeah, you know it would be. That man in Nittedal with the cars really favored you over us anyway when we visited him," he recalls, fighting a laugh. Vegard has many fond memories of traveling the length of the country when they'd all filmed Norges Herligste together. When they'd encountered Per, an old man with a collection of old cars, Knut had really been the one to stand out in the crowd. He'd become the real star. Vegard thinks he'd pay to watch Knut host his own travel show, or any show for that matter. Vegard really likes Knut and is really thankful that he's gotten more than one opportunity to work with the older man. Professionally and simply as a friend, Knut has always been there for Vegard to lean on when needed. There's not much he can truly say to thank him for that. "Hell, I'm still surprised he let Bård and I take a whack at the firewood. He seemed so concerned with us fucking it up, even after he had you grant us permission."

Knut smiles at the thought, remembering the day as if it had just happened. "Yeah, that's true. But _The Boss_ was satisfied."

"Yes, we definitely passed the test, didn't we? We moved up in rank after that. We were no longer incompetent trainees."

Anders decides this is a great moment to butt in. "Well, I don't know about that one. You boys have come a long way and have learned a lot, but there is still room to grow. You'll grow out of your incompetence soon enough." He offers the two a contagious grin and pushes a can of soda to his lips, taking a lengthy sip. It's nice to have a few moments of light-hearted conversation like this. Everything's been much too serious and much too tiring lately. It's relieving to regain this semblance of normalcy. "Speaking of incompetence though...these stupid Canadian vending machines have tried to eat my money twice already. Not like I had very much money on me to begin with, unless you count the kroner. Why can't every country in the world just use the same monetary system? At least in their vending machines. There should be some sort of international vending machine coin that is redeemable worldwide. I would like to see that. It's already the 21st century. We spend so much money funding unnecessary science experiments. And yet they still can't come up with a unique vending machine currency that is widely accepted? Not to mention vending machines that don't jam and don't try to take your money. What good is that?"

Vegard laughs loudly. "Jesus. You've just opened my eyes to an issue I didn't even know we had." **  
**

"Ah, well, it is true though. Vending machines are an ever growing problem for this planet. I want to make sure the governments don't lose their focus."

"Bring it up at the next UN meeting," Vegard suggests, stealing another chip from Knut. "Let's bring necessary change to the world."

And then just like that it's over. The waiting ends. Vegard didn't think it was possible before. He didn't think there would ever be a moment that he wasn't just sitting there, waiting. Of course he couldn't picture himself spending the rest of his life there in the hospital waiting room. He knew eventually he would be free to leave and return home to hug his father and his mother, hopefully Bård alongside him. But that moment always seemed so out of reach and so unattainable. Bård had felt so far away. Yet when the small blonde enters the room and asks for the family of _Bard Yulvisawker_ (a name she seems to struggle greatly to pronounce), Vegard knows that the moment has finally come.

"Yes," he says, jumping to his feet, nearly knocking over Anders' can of Coca Cola. His heart is suddenly beating too fast. It can only be good news, he reminds himself. The doctor had said so earlier that everything was fine. Bård was improving. They were due to move him to a new room where they could see him. There could not be any setbacks. It should only get better from there, Vegard knows, and yet still he finds a sense of dread pass through him. He hopes this is the last time he'll have to listen to some stranger relay information about his brother. The one he's desperate to see alive and well. "Yes, that's me. That's us. Is he okay?"

The nurse smiles. "He's still a bit out of it, considering everything, but he's fine. We've moved him to another room on the second floor."

Vegard blinks and lets out of a breath he wasn't aware he was holding. "He's awake?"

"Yes. He is awake. Or at least was the last time I saw him, which was a few minutes ago. He was coming in and out of consciousness for a while, and he seemed a little confused. But every time we tried to get him to calm down and let us explain, he fell asleep. " The young lady, clad in pink and purple floral scrubs, pauses to glance down at the clipboard in her hand and silently goes over the information again. She looks particularly jovial for having likely spent the entire day so far in an emergency room. "His vitals all look good though. His condition is stable so that's why we were finally able to move him into another room. He'll have to stay there for a while, just to be monitored, but luckily he seems to be feeling a little better now. He's very exhausted, as you can probably imagine. But just a few minutes ago he was alert and was asking a lot of questions so that's a very good sign. He's really anxious to see all of you again. Are you his brother?"

"Yeah. Can we...?"

The nurse nods. "Of course. Yes. Please, right this way. I will show you to him." She motions for the men to follow her and swipes her card against the sensor on the wall, opening the swinging doors with a buzz. Stepping aside to allow the three to shuffle forth, she begins to lead them down the hall and to the left. As they pass the various rooms and stations, she begins speaking. "I'll have to warn you though that right now he still may be a bit disoriented. Going through a traumatic experience like that takes a lot out of people physically, so you may want to limit your conversations if you can. I know you're excited to see him and talk to him, but we don't want him to overexert himself. He's still recovering. We want him to rest."

"Of course. We understand," Vegard says, following closely.

"Do you know when he will be able to go home?" Knut timidly asks.

"That I can't possibly tell you exactly," the nurse says, guiding them towards an elevator. "That's not up for me to decide. That's up for the doctor. And he'll want to keep checking up on him for the rest of the day while he's here. You'll have to talk to him. But like I said, everything seems to be looking good. His vitals are all strong and he's breathing fine on his own. He's awake and he's talking and, you know, aside from the rib injuries, there isn't anything very serious we need to worry about with him now. It's just a matter of making sure he can get the proper rest so that he can really feel better and can regain the strength to walk out of here. He said you guys are from Norway?"

Vegard nods. "Yeah. We were supposed to be filming a segment for a show we're doing."

"Well, good luck with that. We'll try to get your brother up and out of here as soon as we can, so you guys can finish your project." After signaling the elevator, the nurse shuffles the three men inside the compartment and hits the number 2 button, ready to send them on their proper way. "Alright. I guess that's it. The elevator will take you up to the correct floor. Just head straight down the hall when you exit the elevator and take the first right. He's in room 218 and it shouldn't be too hard to find. But if you need help, just ask one of the staff members up there. I'll be up in a little while to check in with you all."

"Thank you so much," Vegard says. "For everything."

The nurse smiles as the doors close. "It's been my pleasure."

_*** * * * *** _

Vegard will go in alone, they decide once they reach the second floor. They don't want to overwhelm Bård at such a sensitive time. As much as Anders and Knut both want to see their friend, they understand that it's probably best to let him and Vegard have their moment in private. They can surely meet up with them later. They don't want to overcrowd the room in any case. Vegard numbly agrees, focused on locating Bård's room. The other two excuse themselves, saying that they will leave and return with food shortly. Aside from the few snacks that Anders has managed to procure from the downstairs vending machines, the team has not eaten all day. Vegard thinks that is a fine idea as he suddenly realizes, with the concern no longer clouding his head, that he's actually starving. He says goodbye to the crew and makes his way down the long hallway, both excited and equally nervous to find room number 218.

When he does, he can see Bård blinking through the crack in the door. Vegard knocks and gently pushes the door open, standing there for a moment as if frozen in place. Bård turns to see who has arrived. Vegard wants to say something, anything, after all this time, but can only stare, an attempt to verify that none of this is just an illusion or hallucination. He wants to make sure that that is, in fact, his brother staring back at him. Bård wordlessly does the same, taking in his brother's presence with a visible breath of relief. But after a few too many moments of this, he grows uncomfortable under the watchful eyes and looks away.

Vegard takes this as his cue to come forth. He does so, shutting the door behind him. It takes nearly all of his strength for him to contain himself. To restrain from running over and crushing his delicate brother in a never-ending hug. He wants to reach out and touch Bård, to feel that he's there. To break down over him and tell him how frightened he was, and how angry he was, that he'd almost lost him. To apologize for so many things. But Vegard knows that's not what Bård wants. He knows that's not what Bård needs.

"Hey," is what he decides to go with.

Bård looks tired, but surprisingly alert. "Hi, Vegard."

Vegard approaches the bed almost cautiously and sets a palm there on the railing, the other landing over the back of Bård's right hand. He gives his brother a gentle pat, careful not to hurt him, and produces a small smile - feeling for the first time that things are actually going to be okay. If anything this proves it. "How are you feeling? The nurse told us you seemed to be doing better. She said you were even starting to run your mouth already."

Bård seems amused by this. He leans his head back against the pillows and shuts his eyes. "Is that what she said?"

"Well, maybe not so much in those words, but..."

"I think she was flirting with me."

"Really? I don't know about that," the older one says, pulling his hand away. "I don't know if nurses do that sort of thing around here. They could get in trouble for that. Besides, what would she want to do with you now anyway? You look like shit. And it's not like you can just get up and walk out of here and take her on a romantic getaway somewhere. She was probably just trying to be nice and you took it the wrong way. She said you were a little out of it."

Bård forces his eyes open and smiles. "What, you don't think women can find me attractive? We're not in Norway anymore, Vegard, _FYI_. This is Canada. Your Turkish features are not as exotic here as they normally are back home. Now we're on an even playing field." A beat, and then he's back on the defense. "And I'm not out of it. I'm perfectly fine."

Vegard laughs. "Well, you are right about that. Here I'm just another Average Joe. But why do you think she was flirting with you?"

"Because she kept winking at me a lot. And also because she totally lifted my gown and fondled me. That was pretty forward of her."

"I highly doubt that's what happened," Vegard says, rolling his eyes. He's never felt so content to hear Bård make a stupid joke in his life, regardless of how distasteful. He spares a short moment to take a quick glance around the room, eyes lingering over the beeping machinery displaying Bård's vitals. He watches the steady rhythm of his beating heart, a true sign of his brother's survival. "You probably just dreamed that because you thought she was pretty." He returns his focus to Bård then, offering him a shake of the head. "She wouldn't get away with doing something like that."

Bård looks like he wants to argue, but also looks like he suddenly wants to pass out. "No! I'm telling you, she did something to me. I felt it."

Despite the clear absurdity of the accusation, Vegard pretends to look interested, if only to humor his brother for the time being. Bård is exhausted, it's not impossible to see, and Vegard realizes that they probably don't have a lot of time to talk about very much now. Not when he wants Bård to get adequate rest and to recover properly. And by the looks of it, his brother is about ready to slip back into unconsciousness any moment. The nurse had warned them about this. Though Vegard selfishly wants to keep Bård awake, if only to hear his voice as a reminder that he's okay, he knows that it's important for Bård to get as much rest as he needs to regain his strength. They'll have plenty of time to talk later. An entire lifetime.

"Are you sure? She wasn't just adjusting a catheter or something?"

The younger brother furrows his brows in thought. Thinking seems to take a lot out of him. "Huh? Oh...yeah, maybe that's what she said she was doing. Fuck, I don't remember. She was hard to understand. I don't think I was really awake. But that would make sense, wouldn't it?" Bård lets out a yawn and, again, allows his eyes to flutter closed. There's a moment of comfortable silence before he decides to continue. "Vegard?"

"Hmm?"

"What about Charles?" Bård asks, quietly. "And everyone else? Are they here too?"

Vegard grabs hold of the chair in the corner and brings it over to the bed, sitting himself there. "No, Knut and Anders just went to get us some food. We're all a bit hungry now. But they should be back pretty soon and then you can see them later. They were hoping to talk to you. They wanted to see that you were okay."

"Oh. But what about Charles?"

"Charles is fine. He's at home with his wife," Vegard explains, placing an elbow on the side of the bed. "They both send their well wishes to you. Actually, it was them that gave us the ride to the hospital after the rescuers came to get you. Charles said he was hoping for us to give him a call when we found out how you were doing. He really seemed to care a lot. He was a really nice guy. They both were, actually. His wife and him. We owe a lot to them."

Bård sighs. "But the cat, Vegard."

"The what?"

"The cat."

Vegard flashes his brother a look of confusion. "What are you talking about? What cat?"

Bård finds it too difficult to hold an eye open for even three seconds, so he resorts to frowning. When he speaks, his words come out slightly jumbled and slurred, which greatly annoys him. "The cat! Charles' cat. The fat one, remember? We never verified if it was true or not. Fucking hell, you'd think _you_ were the one with the brain damage with that poor memory of yours. I can't be bothered to remember anything that happened even in the last ten minutes because I'm not sure I've even been awake all this time or if this is still just one really long, really strange dream...and yet you still can't remember about the fucking cat? Which, might I remind you, was like...the most important thing that we had going for us all day. Jesus Christ."

"You don't have brain damage," Vegard tells him sternly, for some reason feeling defensive about the issue.

"And you don't have the fucking...cat..."

Vegard shakes his head. "No, I don't. Why would I have the cat? Am I _supposed_ to have the cat?"

Bård, who definitely appears more asleep than awake, lets out a noise that's supposed to sound like irritation but mostly sounds like a tired sigh. He gives no verbal answer, but somehow still looks pensive lying there in bed. Vegard reaches over and places a gentle hand over his brother's arm, though not entirely sure why he does it. Rousing Bård is just as good an excuse as any, but he doesn't really want to force his brother into a silly conversation he's clearly too delirious to participate in. It's just comforting for Vegard to feel him there. To have him close and to know that he's alive and, aside from being extremely drained, mostly well. Vegard looks at Bård's lips, notes the way they're no longer blue but back to their natural pink, then watches the rise and fall of his chest. For a moment the room is silent once more, only the beeps of the machinery and the sounds of their breathing mingling in the back of Vegard's mind. Bård is obviously asleep, which strangely makes Vegard feel somewhat lonely, left with only his thoughts as company. He's tired of his thoughts. He's done so much over-thinking today he's not sure he'll be able to stop. It just doesn't seem plausible.

He wants Bård to say something. Anything, to prove that he hadn't just dreamed this entire reunion. But instead Bård sleeps.

Vegard reminds himself that this isn't a bad thing.

"Okay. I guess now's as good a time as any to tell you that Charles had to cut off your favorite shirt."

_*** * * * *** _

Some months later, when the project is long since complete and the brothers have returned home, Bård tells Vegard rather suddenly how regretful he is about that day he fell through the frozen lake. Vegard, preoccupied with chugging down a water bottle, turns to look at his brother with an expression of surprise. Bård's never talked about the incident with anyone, not even with Vegard. He always said that it wasn't something he really felt the need to concern himself with. It had happened and he had put the memories behind him. There was nothing left to discuss. He had to move on. Vegard had been somewhat struck at how little Bård seemed to care about what had happened to him. He expected something more than Bård's complete dismissal, considering how serious the situation had been. How close he had come to death. Vegard himself seemed more affected by what had happened that fateful winter day and sometimes even still dreamed about it in his sleep. At times he wondered how Bård could take the news so nonchalantly. How Bård could just shrug the stories off like they were nothing but family fables. Vegard couldn't do that. He didn't see how he'd ever be able to. It took a while for him to realize that Bård was a another person who processed things differently than he did. Just because Bård didn't want to talk about things didn't mean he didn't care. It just meant he didn't want to talk about things. When Vegard came to that revelation, he stopped asking. There was nothing to ask about.

But now, seeing Bård look so withdrawn and pensive, Vegard thinks maybe he had in fact missed something all along.

"What?" It's a gentle coax.

There's a moment of hesitation, but eventually Bård turns to look at him, bottom lip drawn in between his teeth. Vegard is taken aback by the haunted look in his eyes. By how tired he looks. By how small. "That day...you know, when I fell through the ice...and I couldn't get out...?" He stops to take a glance at the door, as if concerned with someone stepping into the office and interrupting. "I know that it's a bit silly to be thinking about something like that now. You know I'm not usually someone who likes to dwell on things that happen. I don't like to keep grudges and I don't like to let bad experiences hold me back from moving forward with my life. But now that we've finally finished the project and completed all the editing and stuff, I just can't stop thinking about it. It's stupid, but I can't get the thought out of my head. It's like it's consuming me."

Vegard shakes his head. He sets the empty water bottle down on the desk. "No, it's not stupid. What happened wasn't just some little thing that happens everyday, Bård. It was a pretty serious experience and I think it makes total sense for you to think about it sometimes. Especially now that we've gone through all the footage from the other segments and everything. Doing that probably just brought back a lot of raw memories for you. And it's not like the accident happened that long ago either. You don't have to feel bad about dwelling. Dwelling can be good for you sometimes. It's a healthy part of the healing process."

Bård looks pained.

"Don't worry about it," Vegard says, trying to reassure his brother. "It's normal. There isn't anything wrong with you."

"That's what you don't understand." There's a sigh. Bård suddenly swivels his chair so that he's facing his desk again, resolved to let the discussion end there. How could he think bringing this up now could even slightly be considered a good idea? Here, at the office, in the middle of the workday. When they should be focused on doing their jobs and less focused on paltry feelings. He regrets saying anything. Vegard wouldn't understand. Vegard couldn't. There's no reason to even try and find out. Conversations like this never end well.

Vegard, however, is less content with letting the topic die so quickly. He's waited by for months behind Bård, readying himself for the moment his brother finally opened up to him, if ever. Vegard was never sure he would know what to say. He'd never been too good at dealing with emotional things like that. Bård was always better in that department. But Vegard wanted to support Bård through the experience. He understood, considering he'd dealt with the trauma too on his own hand. He was prepared to stand by and listen when Bård decided he wanted to talk. Even if Vegard said the wrong thing, he could at least listen. Sometimes, and often, that was enough. Now Vegard worries that maybe he's already said something wrong, because Bård won't look at him, and he's much too quiet and stiff. "What is it that I don't understand?"

The brother says nothing.

"Bård."

"Nothing," comes the exasperated response. "Just...nothing. Thanks but never mind. I don't want to talk about it anymore. There's no point."

Vegard furrows his brows and fights a frown. "What do you mean there's no point? Of course there's a point. If talking about it is going to make you feel better then that is the point." When Bård gives him no immediate acknowledgement, Vegard continues, hoping his efforts won't be in vain. Clearly Bård is upset about something and clearly he's trying, quite terribly, to hide it. "Look, if you don't want me to say anything then I don't have to. I can just sit here and listen to you and I won't even say a word. My lips are sealed. Is that what you want?" Again, no acknowledgement. It's not often that Bård does this, but when he does, Vegard knows there's something significantly wrong. "Bård?"

"Vegard, please. Let's just get back to work. There's a lot to do. We don't have to do this now."

"Work can wait," Vegard says. He slides his chair just a little bit closer. Not to be confrontational, but just to remind Bård that he's there for him. That he's on his side. "Work can _always_ wait. You know that. It's not like we're up to our necks in assignments right now. And no, you're right. We don't have to do this. Not if you don't want to. It's not like I can just make you talk to me and tell me about all your deepest, darkest secrets. I don't have that sort of power over anyone. And even if I did, I probably wouldn't even use it anyway. That wouldn't be right. You are far more than capable of deciding what you want to do, and I'll respect your wishes if you decide to drop it for now. Or forever, if that's what you want. I'm not going to pressure you into doing something you're not comfortable with. If you want me to back off, just tell me, and I will do that. But, Bård, you shouldn't feel like you have to close yourself off because you're afraid it doesn't matter. Or because you're afraid of what I'm going to say or think about what you tell me. Of course it matters. It always matters to me. And I would think you'd know me well enough by now to realize I'm not just going to be a jerk and automatically judge you for anything that comes out of your mouth, whether I understand it or not. If you don't want me to make comments about it then I won't. I can just listen. I'm usually better at just listening anyway. I just don't want you to not take advantage of an opportunity to say something that needs to be said, if it's something that important to you, because you're worried about that. No matter what it is. You can say it."

When Vegard finishes speaking, the office is engulfed in deafening silence. He watches, brows furrowed, as Bård remains still in his chair, pencil frozen in his hand. For a few moments he thinks maybe Bård hasn't even been listening. Perhaps his words have fallen on deaf ears. He can't force Bård to talk about what's bothering him if he doesn't want to talk. As much as it frustrates Vegard, he knows Bård is an adult and that he can take care of things himself so should he decide to. It should always be up to him. But still, as a brother and a friend, Vegard wants to show Bård the support he feels he deserves. Even if Bård fights him for it along the way. However, it doesn't appear that Bård is taking the bait today. He only offers the cold shoulder. Vegard, feeling slightly defeated, sighs and turns away, deciding that there's very little else he can do at this point to engage conversation. He doesn't want Bård to get upset with him, and he's afraid that if he keeps on pestering that's exactly what is going to happen.

"Okay. Your choice."

Bård surprises him by interrupting. "It's just that everyone keeps looking at me funny."

Vegard raises a brow curiously but doesn't turn around. Instead, he chooses to focus on the short stack of papers before him. Somehow he gets the feeling that Bård doesn't want him to look at him. "What do you mean?"

"It's like..." There's another sigh. "Well, everyone just keeps looking at me and treating me so weird since then. It was mostly in the beginning, after the accident first happened. After I first got out of the hospital and everything. I don't mean just you and the guys. I mean when we got back home and saw Mamma and Pappa and everyone at the office. I get that it was a big deal for everyone to see me, since they probably all thought I was as good as dead before, and in their defense I kind of was. And I was already expecting them to treat me a little different in the beginning. I was prepared for that. Everyone was always so careful and so kind, and always tried to make sure I wasn't working too hard or that I was taking it easy no matter what I did. Or taking a moment to tell me that I did a good job or that they were so happy I was okay. And I appreciated it, of course. But after a while I started to think 'when is this going to stop? When are people going to start acting normal around me again and not make me feel like I'm some fucking...I don't know...China doll or something?' I almost died but that doesn't mean people need to keep giving me pitying looks and try to give me therapy all the time. The accident was months ago. By now I'm obviously okay."

 _Are you?_ Vegard wants to ask. Instead, he says, "People just care about you. They worried."

Bård turns the chair so that he's facing the middle of the office and focuses on a random spot on the wall, distractedly tapping the pencil in his hand against the side of his head. "Yeah, I know they do. If the same thing happened to someone else in the office I would probably be the same in the beginning too. Want to give them a lot of special attention and make sure they knew I appreciated them. But I think after a while it gets old. After a while it doesn't feel good anymore. At first it feels nice to know that people are thinking of you, but once the high wears off it's just a constant reminder that you're not as...solid...as you once thought you were. It's like a constant reminder everyday that you went through something terrible, and a constant reminder that people don't think you're capable of picking yourself up after that."

"I don't think that's the intent, Bård. People don't tell you those things because they think you're not capable. They just tel -"

"I know," the younger says, again interrupting. He heaves another sigh, something that Vegard decides to start keeping count of, and turns back to the desk. The pencil falls from his hand. "I know. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off like that. I do care what you have to say, I just know what you're going to say already. Everyone is just trying to be supportive. And that it's hard to support someone who's just gone through some sort of trauma because you never know what they need or want from you. Not like it was really all that 'traumatic' anyway. It's not like I was tortured by a terrorist or held at gunpoint or something. But that's beside the point. The point is I don't want people to keep treating me like a patient anymore. I mean, I don't want to sound like a total dick or anything. I don't want you to think I'm not appreciative of what everyone has done for me these past few months. I really have been so touched that so many people have wanted to show their concern for me. It's nice to know there's so many people in my life that care whether I'm around or not. But that's not what I need anymore. I want people to just be normal and forget that anything ever happened, like I've tried to do. At least it will be easier to move past this and carry on with my life. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Vegard nods and peeks over his shoulder. "Yeah, I do. And you don't sound like a total dick. I would be bothered by it too honestly."

Bård is relieved by this. "Okay, good. Because I was starting to think maybe I was just taking everything for granted or something."

"No, you aren't. That's something else. You don't usually take things for granted. And I'm sure everyone knows you appreciate all that they've been trying to do for you. Maybe that's part of the reason why they keep doing it. If they don't know it's making you upset then they don't know it's only making things worse. You're not going to sound like a douche for telling everyone to back off. Well, maybe not _back off_ exactly..." Vegard leans back in his computer chair, wincing at the squeak. "But I'm sure if you tell them nicely that you want them to just treat you like they did before, they would understand. You can't just expect them to know what you want from them if you don't say anything."

"I don't want anything from them. That's the thing."

Vegard nods. "Well, then you'll have to explain that to them so they understand."

"Do you think that I've been too careless?"

"No. What do you mean? About what we were just talking about?"

Bård sighs for the fourth time, Vegard is keeping tally, and shakes his head. "No, I mean..." He isn't sure what he means. He isn't sure he knows how to ask what he wants to ask because he isn't sure he even knows what it is he wants to ask. So many thoughts are rushing through his head and it's overwhelming. He can't keep up with them. He wants to think carefully about the things he says to Vegard but his mouth moves before his brain can catch up. The thoughts just keep on flowing. "More as a general sense. Do you think I've been too careless lately?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Do you think that I don't care about what happened to me?"

Vegard decides this is as good a time as any to turn around and face his brother. Bård hesitates but eventually meets his gaze. He looks contemplative.

"No. I don't think you don't care," Vegard says, thinking. "I mean...no, you didn't really say a lot about it after it happened. I thought maybe you would have something to say about it. But it's fine if you didn't. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things in their life and that was just your way. There wasn't anything wrong with that. There's no right or wrong way to get over something. It just seemed like you got over it rather quickly, that's all. But I don't think that you don't care. And I don't think that's necessarily a very bad thing either. You don't have to talk about something for the rest of your life to prove that you cared about it."

"I feel like people were a little disappointed that I wasn't open enough about it, though."

Vegard feels like maybe Bård is talking about him. He feels the need to explain. "No. I don't think they were _disappointed_. I think they were just concerned. Just like you say everyone in the office has been acting kind of weird around you and treating you differently. I think they've got it in their heads that you might need some extra help. And that's not to say they think you're vulnerable or incapable or anything. You're not weak and nobody thinks that about you. But you went through something very difficult and I think they just wanted to ensure that you were okay after that. In every sense. And they tried to do what they could to help, even if that meant trying to get you to talk to them. I think they thought talking about it would help you get over it. And maybe, to some degree, it would help them too."

Bård purses his lips. "So you weren't mad that I shut you out like that?"

"Mad?" Vegard frowns. "No! Of course not. Why would you think I was mad at you?"

There's a shrug. "I don't know. I just thought maybe you wanted me to talk about it with you, for whatever reason, and that you were kind of upset that I wouldn't. Every time you tried to bring the topic up I just zoned out or tried to talk about something else. That must've gotten annoying after a while because eventually you just seemed to let it go. I didn't want you to think that I didn't care or that I didn't want to hear what you had to say about it, because I did. I just didn't know how to even think about that sort of stuff and even less about how to discuss it. And it's not just you, by the way. It was everyone who tried to talk to me about it. Mom, dad. Bjarte. Even Calle. I just felt kind of bad about not having the answers that everyone wanted. I realized that maybe you wanted to talk about it not because you _wanted_ to talk about it but because you _needed_ to talk about it. And then I just shut you out and the subject never came up again, so...I was just afraid that maybe I'd messed up."

Now it's Vegard's turn to sigh. "What? No. Bård, no. I wasn't upset with you. I mean, yeah, I was hoping that we could talk about it. But not because I _needed_ to talk about it. That's not to say that I wasn't upset about everything, because I was. Seeing you out there on the lake was one of the scariest things I'd ever seen. I don't like to think about it." He has to physically shake the thought out of his head. "But I came to terms with it in my own time. I wasn't going to dump that on you. I wanted to talk because I thought maybe _you_ wanted to talk. And I know that it's not always easy to ask for someone to listen when you have something important to say, when it's something serious like that. I just figured maybe I could help by initiating it, so you could get out whatever it was you needed to get out. Assuming there was anything. I'm sorry for trying to weasel it out of you for so long. I didn't mean to pressure you or stress you out. I just worried about you and I wanted to know that you were okay. I only stopped asking because you never answered. You didn't mess up. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I just think the whole thing fucked me up a little bit."

"You aren't fucked up."

Bård shakes his head. "No, that's not what I meant. I mean...in a way I guess it is, but..." Sigh number five. Organizing his thoughts has turned out to be a nearly impossible feat. He takes a moment to run his hands through his hair, trying to figure out what it is he wants Vegard to understand. "What I meant to say is that even if I said nothing about it, the whole thing...the accident, I mean...fucked me up a little bit. It really scared me. It was just easy to hide it because half the time I was hiding the fact from myself. I don't know how but it was surprisingly easy to just push that stuff aside because I didn't know how to deal with it anyway, and I didn't see any use in me even trying. I knew there was too much to understand and I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to understand it if I tried. Or afraid that I _would_ understand it, actually. I knew that a lot had happened. I was obviously aware of that. But I didn't want to let it get to me or affect me in a negative way because I was lucky to be alive and that was the most important thing at the time. I didn't see any reason to dwell on anything then, or even process any of it, because I didn't see the point in spending the time to do any of that stuff. I didn't want to obsess over what almost could've happened because it wasn't like I was losing very much to begin with anyway."

Vegard doesn't understand. "What do you mean you weren't losing very much? You almost lost your _life_."

"Yeah, but that isn't much, Vegard."

Something about Bård's reply angers him. "Like hell it isn't. That's everything. That's the most you could've lost."

But Bård seems to see things differently. He opens his mouth to say something, _anything_ , to make Vegard understand but struggles to get the words out. "N-no! I know. I almost died and that's not something to just brush under the rug. I'm not saying that it isn't a big deal. I just mean..." There's a grimace as the memories come flooding in. "Fuck. I was so scared when I was in the water. I knew that I was going to die. I really felt like it was going to happen. I just didn't see any other way around it. Like, I honestly could not see how I was going to make it out of there alive. And seeing how everyone was freaking out too, I just _knew_. I knew that's how it was going to end. And that made me feel terrible because I didn't know what was going to happen to me. Not that I was afraid of going to hell or anything. I just didn't know how it was going to _feel_ and I didn't want to go through it by myself."

"But that's not how it ended," Vegard tells him gently. "You _didn't_ die. We weren't going to let that happen."

"I know. It didn't happen, and I'm glad for that. But the point I was trying to make is that, yes, it mattered to me. Losing my entire life mattered to me and it mattered a lot. I was so sad knowing that I wouldn't be able to do all the things I had always wanted to," Bård explains. "But at the same time, especially towards the end, before I lost consciousness, I realized that in the long run it really wasn't me who was going to lose a lot. I know a life is a lot to lose but at least if I was dead I wouldn't know the difference. I couldn't even tell up from down. I would just be dead. There would be nothing. So me being dead...wouldn't really even matter in that sense. Because it's not like I would know that anything significant had happened. I wouldn't have anything to compare it to. I would just fall asleep and I would just never wake up."

Vegard nods to show he's listening. He wants Bård to continue.

Bård does. "I feel like, because of that, I got the easy end of the ordeal. Because nothing would really _happen_ to me. But you, and everyone else, would have lost so much more than I did. And that's not to say that I'm like...the most important thing in your lives. I know that I'm not and it wouldn't be right if I was. But at least you, for example, would have had to deal with the loss of a brother. I know that's a lot to lose, especially considering how invested I am in your life. You and I are more than just family. We work together too and we rely on each other a lot. And if it had been the other way around, and I had lost you, I know that I'd never be able to be happy for the rest of my life. I couldn't be, knowing that you weren't there with me, by my side. I don't even like thinking about it. It just wouldn't be right. But even the way I feel when I simply _think_ about it shows me that things would've ended up so much worse for you than they could for me. I was unconscious throughout a lot of the major stuff so I didn't really get to experience a lot of the bad. Only what happened in the water. And I was pretty numb when I was in there, so...I didn't have quite a chance to get traumatized like maybe you did. Because I didn't have to watch my brother almost die."

"I _would_ have suffered a lot if you hadn't woken up again," Vegard agrees, frowning. "I wouldn't be able to get over it."

"And that's exactly what I mean," Bård says, relieved to know that his brother is following his train of thought. "I know you and I know that you wouldn't. So what was more traumatizing for me, rather than almost dying, was the fact that I was leaving you behind. That I was hurting you. And the rest of the family too. I just felt a little guilty because of that. That's what really made me upset."

Vegard shakes his head, leaning forward slightly. "Yeah, but, Bård...that's not something that you have to apologize for. You don't have to feel guilty for what happened. Or for what almost happened, I should say. None of that was ever your fault. It wasn't _anyone's_ fault. It was just a thing that happened. Sometimes things like that just happen. We don't have to understand why. But you can't take the fall for that. Nobody here blames you for that. Nobody blames you for anything."

Bård's face tells Vegard that _he_ does. "I know. But I wouldn't expect anyone to anyway. You guys are not like that. But no one else knew what was going on in my head. None of you knew how _eager_ I was to give up. And I know that sounds terrible...and it is. It's awful for me to say that. But, honestly, in the end there I just wanted to give up. I didn't want to hurt you and leave you, and I tried to stay strong for as long as I could, but it was so hard. And it seemed so much easier to just close my eyes and fall asleep. I knew that I was going to possibly ruin your life and that totally killed me. And it made me feel so selfish. And I know that I didn't really have much of a choice. I know that it wasn't just me deciding to give out, and that my body was just shutting down. I probably couldn't have stayed awake any longer if I had tried. But the fact that I decided _not_ to try makes me think that maybe I could have...I don't know...I just felt like maybe I was stupid for not doing whatever I could to stay alive. I was so tired in the end I just wanted everything to stop. I thought enough was enough and that it just needed to end quickly so that neither of us had to suffer anymore. So that it could be over and you could start trying to move on."

For a moment, Vegard doesn't know what to say. He's shocked to know that Bård's been keeping this much to himself all this time. That he's been harboring so much guilt and grief within him, and that he hadn't had anyone to share it with. Vegard wants to feel irritated with Bård. He wants to be upset with his brother for not opening up sooner, for not taking care of himself in the way that he should've. He even wants to be angry with Bård for what he's just revealed to him. But he isn't, and he can't be. He knows that it wouldn't be right. Instead, he watches Bård shift awkwardly in his seat. He looks unsure of himself. Vegard feels unsure of himself too. It's taking a lot of energy to process what Bård has been telling him. Vegard wants to make sure he understands correctly before making comments. One wrong move and everything could come crashing down. He doesn't want things to come crashing down. He needs to tread carefully.

However, Bård doesn't seem to understand the silence. He looks panicked, as if afraid that he's just said too much. He tries to fix it.

"I'm sorry," he says, desperation coating his words. "I didn't want to hurt you, Vegard. I really didn't. I was always thinking of you. The only reason that I fought to stay awake for so long was because I knew you were there with me and that you needed me to fight. That you _all_ needed me to fight. And I really did try my hardest to stay with you. If I hadn't tried so hard, I'm sure I would have blacked out a lot sooner. But it got to the point where I knew that I couldn't. I didn't see a reason to try to fight it anymore in the end because I figured my attempts would be futile anyway. You can't beat death. If death is coming for you then it's going to take you. End of story. And I had it in my head, completely, that it was coming to take me then. I knew that it was. And I didn't want to spend my last moments on earth in denial about what was happening. I wanted to be at peace with it so that I wouldn't be so scared anymore. I just wanted to have a sense of some control. I had to just accept that I was dying, and let it happen, and I had to hope you could accept it too. For my own benefit, in the end, I had to also think of myself..."

Alarmed, Vegard holds up a hand to stop the frantic rambling. Bård suddenly looks near tears.

"Bård..."

There's a crack in his voice. "Please, Vegard. I don't want you to hate me."

Vegard is struck by the thought that this is the first time, since the day out on the lake, that he's seen Bård look so thoroughly _terrified._ It's a difficult sight to see because he doesn't like remembering what happened that horrible day in Canada. Doesn't like to remember what Bård had looked like before, and after, he'd lost consciousness. Had stopped breathing. Had almost died. But even more so, it's difficult for Vegard to see that his brother is genuinely afraid of _him_ now. Afraid of what he might say or do after coming clean about how he'd been feeling all this time. About how much he had kept in himself for all those months. It's a heart breaking thought, truly, to think that Bård is afraid of losing him over something like this. That Bård actually has it in his head that he might not be worthy or deserving of the love that he had always gotten because of what had happened. The thought equally saddens and infuriates Vegard, who shakes his head and jumps out of his seat, moving to his brother's side.

"Hate you - ? No, I don't hate you. Come on. You know I couldn't."

Judging by Bård's expression, he himself isn't so sure. "I'd understand it if you did though. I don't want you to hate me but if you did I'd get it."

"Stop," Vegard snaps, a little too firm than he'd intended to. He bends down slightly to be at eye level with his brother, making sure that Bård is looking him in the eyes before continuing, a look of absolute sincerity and confusion on his face. Somehow he feels he's lost control of this conversation. He's always been terrible at this sort of thing. He feels regretful about that. "I don't hate you, Bård. I don't. And I never will. I don't have any reason to want to hate you. Why do you think I'd hate you?"

"Because I just told you that I gave up."

Vegard shakes his head. "You did not give up."

"Yes, I did! In the water. At the end. I told you. Weren't you listening?" Bård averts his gaze to the floor, suddenly finding it hard to face his brother. His hands come to ball tightly around the ends of the armrests. "I said I was tired of trying and that I just wanted to die. That I just wanted it to be over and done with already. Even though I knew that I should try and fight it longer if I could. I didn't think I could but maybe I could've, I don't know. But I was so okay with just letting it happen in the end and I practically _welcomed_ it. Even when I didn't want to hurt you, I still let it happen. And I don't know what happened then, or for what reason things turned out like this, but I survived. By some stupid miracle, somehow, I survived even when I had been so close to death. And I don't understand that at all because I had already come to the conclusion that the moment I closed my eyes I would never open them again. And if you had come to that same conclusion - if you had been okay with doing that, too, I don't think I could ever forgive you for it. I'd never forgive you for just giving up and not fighting 'til the last second. I'd hate you forever because I can't imagine not having you here with me. And I'd hate you for being so selfish and thinking that it didn't matter. I'd have to, Vegard. And considering that's exactly what I tried to do to you, what I _did_ do to you, I don't see how you couldn't hate me too."

Vegard is torn between wanting to slap his brother and wanting to simply hold him. "Bård, please. That's ridiculous. I don't hate you."

"Well, you should! After what I did, you should be angry."

"I don't _hate_ you," he says again, voice gentle yet tone stern enough to draw Bård's attention. When their eyes meet, Vegard gives him a serious look, one reserved only for when he's in full big brother mode. "Did you hear what I said? I don't hate you. I could never hate you, not even for that. _Especially_ not for that. What happened out there, on the lake, was not your fault. None of it was your fault. And you did the best you could, even when you were scared out of your fucking mind. Even when it probably seemed like it was hopeless. I was scared too when it happened and I wasn't even the one in the water. I'm not sure that I could've been so brave if that had been me in your place. But I know that I would try my best to stay strong because you would want that from me, just as I wanted that from you. And you did that. Even when you thought that maybe you weren't going to make it out of that, especially considering there was nothing we could really do to help, you still stayed with us for as long as you could. You said so yourself, you probably couldn't have lasted another second out there because you didn't really have a choice. You were extremely hypothermic and your body was shutting down - l _ook at me_. Your body was shutting down. That's what happened. It wasn't that you were just being selfish or that you just decided to give up like some sort of coward. Far from it. Doing what you did was the bravest thing you could have done, Bård. And I'm really proud of all that you did that day. And everyday. I'm always proud of what you do, for me and for yourself. And I could never hate you for doing what you had to do or what you had no choice but to do. You're my brother and I _love_ you. And I'm so fucking relieved that you made it out of that awful situation alive and that's _all_ that I really care about. Do you understand?"

Bård sighs.

"Answer me when I'm talking to you."

"Yes," comes the response, albeit nearly too quiet to hear.

"Yes, _what_ , Bård?" Vegard presses.

The fair haired brother frowns at the carpet, finding it much easier to look at than Vegard's face. "Yes, you don't hate me. I get it. You don't hate me." Vegard is unsure for a moment whether or not the lecture has helped, because Bård looks so dejected and so embarrassed and maybe even a little irritated with him that he has to think maybe he's just made things worse by being so austere. He tries to reach out, to touch Bård's chin and get him to look at him, but Bård turns his head before he's even gotten a hand up. For a moment he says nothing, staring, seemingly absorbed in his thoughts. But when he opens his mouth to speak, the frown seems to dissipate, and his features seem to soften. "I'm sorry."

Vegard, relieved, shakes his head and straightens his back. "Don't be. That's kind of the whole point."

"I just really thought you would be angry with me. I don't know why. Or, I should say, I wanted you to be angry with me. I was angry with me. I felt like maybe I deserved that. I didn't _want_ that, but I felt like, I don't know...I just felt so guilty about everything for such a long time and I knew that I probably shouldn't have, because that's stupid." Bård pauses to rest his head in his open palm, elbow perched against the armrest. "I knew since the beginning that I couldn't have done anything differently, or shouldn't have. But still a part of me was so scared of the fact that I had almost disappeared. That I had almost died and left you here alone. I mean, not _alone_. I know you have a lot of people but..."

"I know what you mean."

Bård sighs again. "I just really got shaken up by knowing that. That I'd been out for such a long time and that you guys couldn't get me breathing again. It was really scary to have all the doctors try to explain it to me. I didn't think it was real. It all just sounded like some sort of dream or something. And seeing you so scared there, when we were out on the lake, and then later when we were in the hospital...Even when you looked happy to see me, I could just see it in your eyes that you were shaken up too. Everyone was. And that made the situation all the more real for me. And I'm not sure if I was angry or scared more so at the fact that I almost died and left you to deal with that, or that I had almost died in general. I do care more about what would've happened to you, obviously. I think that's what made me most _angry_. But knowing that I really almost died...that I literally came so _close_ to that...that's always been really scary to think about. In a general sense. I think that's what really messed me up."

Vegard nods and takes a seat in his chair, scooting close. "Yeah, I can see that. Not that you're messed up, because you're not. But I can see how that would affect you the most. I know that you cared about what would happen to me, and I appreciate that, but that doesn't make what you went through any less horrifying for you personally. Even if you were upset about how people would have to pick up the pieces after you left us, you still almost died. And that's usually more than enough to shake most people. People don't usually just get over things like that. That stays with them for a long time, in their back of their minds. I know plenty of people who have said so."

"I just...was really upset about almost leaving you guys, but seeing how truly fragile I am, as a person, just really made me so sad," Bård shares. "And so angry. I just wanted to be angry at somebody, or something - _anything_ \- for what had happened. Because I knew already that life was to be appreciated and cherished and that you should always be thankful for what you've been given because you never know when that's going to be taken away from you. But I never really thought it was going to be taken away from me. Not so fast, and not like that. And then to come so close to losing everything and then just getting it back just as quickly, I just could not understand it. It didn't make sense to me and I figured it had to mean something. I just didn't know what. And I couldn't figure it out and I didn't want to figure it out because I was scared of what I might find. I was just so angry that I even had to deal with thinking about it that I tried to find something else to be angry at, and the only thing I could really think of was being angry at myself. But anyway, after I woke up and realized that I was going to be okay, I thought that it didn't matter. I was alive and I hadn't fucked up your lives and that to me felt like such an accomplishment so I just decided to move on and forget about it. Because thinking about it was too hard and made me feel too bitter. That's why when you tried to talk to me about it all those times, I just tried to find a way out of it."

"I understand, Bård. It makes total sense to me and I'm not angry at you."

"Well, I am a little bit. I mean, not so much as before..." Bård straightens in his seat, dropping his arm to the side. "I know that you don't hate me and that I was being really dumb in thinking that I had to feel guilty for what happened. I always knew that all along but still, for some reason, I still felt that way. I don't feel that way anymore. But I just feel like a part of me really did die back there. Some little part of me that most people probably wouldn't even miss because they wouldn't realize it was even gone. But I know that it is. I wake up every single day and I feel like there's something missing."

Vegard sighs and runs a hand through his hair, leaning back against the backrest. "Well, what do you think it is?"

Bård pouts his lips, thoughtfully. "Maybe it's that carelessness that I had before. The way I'd just been able to carry on day after day without really thinking about what could happen tomorrow. I always knew that life was a fragile thing but I think it was really hard to actually comprehend that completely when I hadn't really experienced it for myself. But after going through what happened in Canada, and then coming home and trying to jump back into the normal routine, and the normal life...I just realized at every moment that something could happen when we least expected it to. And that it could change everything, for better or for worse. And I suppose, in some ways, that can be a good thing for me. I think it's good to finally be able to understand what that means. But at the same time I feel like I lost a good part of myself too. I was so content when I was so oblivious to this stuff. It's hard to be happy at every moment now when I know that it could be the last moment we could be happy forever."

"But you can't take it like that," Vegard says. "Don't think of it like a constant reminder that things may go wrong. If you do that, you're going to be miserable for the rest of your life. And then the whole experience would have been for nothing. All your efforts would have been in vain because you wouldn't have learned anything that you were supposed to learn from it. I think, honestly, that what this whole thing means...what you and I _both_ are supposed to take from this whole fucked up experience...is that, yeah, sometimes shit happens. But that's life. And life is short. And you should not dwell on the fact that things won't always go your way, or that there may be surprises. Recognize that things are out of your control sometimes and do what you can to make sure you make it all worth it. Instead of being upset or scared that life is so fragile, use that knowledge to enhance the time you _do_ have. Take what you _can_ control and turn it into something great for you and for everyone you care about. I think that's what is the most important thing and I think that we can both work a little bit on that together."

"I'm just really glad I didn't die, Vegard. That would have sucked so bad."

Despite himself, Vegard laughs. "Yeah. It definitely would have sucked."

Bård smiles, for the first time in what Vegard feels is too long, but it's short lived. He turns away for a moment, a look of pure concentration on his face. The office once again falls silent, and Vegard can only sit and wait for him to act. After a few seconds, Bård allows their eyes to meet once more and sighs, fingers distractedly grasping at the underside of the armrest. "I just realized something."

Vegard detects a hint of worry in himself. "What did you just realize?"

"Something really regretful about that day. After I fell into the water, Knut and Anders stopped filming."

"Yeah. And...?"

Bård shrugs. "That's it."

"I don't think I understand. Of course they stopped. Did you want them to continue?"

"Well, no! Obviously not. I wanted them to help me. But it's not like very much could be done at that point anyway. Charles had already gone for help and it was too dangerous for you guys to get close to me. Especially when I was panicking and just making things worse. I didn't blame you guys for standing around. But if you guys couldn't get me out, the least you could've done was keep rolling and film me."

Vegard's brows rise in disbelief. "Film you? In the water?"

Bård nods.

"Wait, wait. Let me get this straight," the one with the curls says, leaning forward. "So you're telling me that you fell into the middle of a frozen _lake_ in the middle of _winter_ \- in Canada, no less - when the temperatures were _below_ freezing, and got stranded there for god knows how long without anyone being able to help you...and you wanted us to get it on home video?"

"Well, not home video. But yeah, if you guys had recorded it, that would have been nice."

Vegard makes a face. "How would that have been nice? You almost died."

"Yeah, I did. And in hindsight that was my main concern at the time, as I'm sure it was everyone else's as well," Bård says. "So I'm not saying that I'm _angry_ that it didn't happen, because I wasn't even thinking about it either. At that point I had already forgotten we were filming anything to begin with, let alone that a film crew was with me. But thinking about it now, after it's all over, and realizing that there wasn't very much that anyone was really doing during all that time anyway...I wish that we could've kept filming."

"We'd just have a video of you passing out and me screaming for you to wake up. What would we do with that?"

Bård smiles again, and this time it truly reaches his eyes. "Vegard, the whole point of us doing the show to begin with was to show real life experiences with real live people. We filmed you puking your guts out during Norges Herligste because that happened. That wasn't an ideal situation but we still had to push on and do it because we were there for a reason. To capture our journey, whether it was enjoyable or not. And I certainly did not enjoy almost freezing to death, just like I'm sure you did not enjoy having to interview anyone when you were so sick, but at least in my case we could've had a harrowing rescue scene in our portfolio. The whole reason we were there was to see what type of person Charles was, and what made him so special. And if saving my life - well, _helping_ save my life. You helped too, of course. You all did. But, like I was saying, if saving my life and breaking my ribs is not enough to prove how special that man was, then I don't know what is. I doubt anyone would be able to see that and not think he was absolutely extraordinary."

"I'm not denying that he was amazing," Vegard says, shaking his head. "Even before all that jumping into action stuff...he was a really cool guy to talk to and I really had a lot of fun meeting him for the interview. But you can't really compare me being sick with the flu to you nearly dying in a lake. The drama levels for those two situations are on completely different scales. And I doubt, anyway, that Charles would want that to be shown on television. I sure wouldn't. I wouldn't want to have to see you go through that again, and I wouldn't want anyone to see me that hysterical either. That would just be taking it too far."

"I don't know. It could have made a good survival documentary at least."

Vegard shakes his head again. "It could have made a lot of things. But good television is not it."

"I think it could've."

"Well, you also think that the nurse in the hospital was hitting on you," Vegard teases, "when in reality she was just shoving a tube up your penis so that you wouldn't wet yourself in bed. Not everything your mind comes up with is true, Bård. You should know better than that."

Bård looks like he's going to protest for a moment, but then offers his brother another smile. "Touché."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, the end is finally here. I apologize for it taking so long for me to publish this. The chapter ended up being a bit longer than I'd expected and I had to do a lot of unnecessary complaining and editing before I decided I was happy with it. I hope that you all enjoy the close of this and I just want to give a big thank you to everyone who left comments and kudos. I had a lot of fun working on this story and I hope that you guys had a lot of fun reading it. This is only my first dip into the Ylvis waters, and I'm hoping to be back soon with another story (and by soon, I mean whenever I can get off my lazy ass and actually get to fleshing out my other plot ideas). 
> 
> Just as a quick note, the segment of Norges Herligste that Vegard talks to Knut about in the hospital is Veteranbilmannen, just in case anyone is interested in watching Knut shine on camera. :)
> 
> Tusen takk, again, for everything!  
> Kind regards, Ylviscostello

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, hi. I'm fairly new to the Ylvis fandom and this is my first story that I have to share with you all. I hope that you guys enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it so far. I love torturing Bård (and Vegard) and I know that this isn't going to be a one time thing. 
> 
> Anyway, I briefly wanted to say that I find the idea of the boys doing a broader travel show kind of exciting. I totally loved both Norges and Nordens Herligste and, if anyone should be hired to travel through North America and film the eccentric people of this continent, I nominate them both for the job. They're such sweeties and I think it would be fun for them to see more of the world. Also I'm vaguely aware that it takes way more than two people (one cameraman and one sound guy) to really make a good show, but for the sake of my creative licensing, let's just pretend that everyone else is sick at the hotel with food poisoning or something. I don't care. I do what I want. Also, I don't know very much about Knut and Anders, so I just assigned them random roles in this. Like I said before, I don't care. 
> 
> Will upload the second part whenever it's finished. Takk skal du ha!


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